Carpe Noctem
by AccountNoLongerActive1
Summary: SEQUEL TO ARTIFICIAL EUPHORIA. Edward is in a desperate race of time as he struggles to unlock his memories and bring Bella home. Meanwhile, Bella is in a desperate struggle to find herself, and her true purpose in the world.
1. Chapter 1: Yellow Submarines

**So, here's the first chapter for _Carpe Noctem. _I'm sorry that this chapter doesn't really go anywhere, but it gets good real fast :)**

**I'm literally writing like crazy, I have been working on the future chapters for hours now, trying to get them right. I hope everything goes well.**

**Thanks for all the love and support, and, as always, if you have any questions, just PM me!**

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review, I love hearing your feedback xx.**

* * *

**Chapter One**

'_Yellow Submarines and Black Doors'_

Everyone thinks that life is hard. It's one of the many thoughts that ties the world together. People know that life is hard, and yet they still live it—going through their daily mundane tasks, sometimes wondering why they do what they do, and then answering with 'life's hard'. I think I deserve to say that more than others.

Considering I'll never die.

Will I die?

It's hard to say.

Considering I'm already dead.

Aren't I?

What's in a death? Your heart stops beating, and your blood runs cold…I went through all that, and I'm still here. A walking, talking corpse. Is this so called life really a dead one?

No, I don't think so.

To be dead, you're gone for eternity, never to see the light of day again. I see it every morning, and I see darkness every night. I go through the motions that every mortal being goes through…and then some. I doubt any mortal has been in three wars to date.

I also doubt that they're a werewolf vampire hybrid.

With a werewolf companion.

I've learnt some really interesting things about Adam in the nine months we've been together. One is how he became a werewolf. It's very much the same as to how vampires are created, except werewolves don't go through three days of agonizingly excruciating pain.

A werewolf bites them, and on the next full moon—BAM! Giant dog prowling through the streets.

Adam also enjoys birthday parties.

I know this because he threw me one.

It was my forty-fifth birthday, and Adam _insisted _that we do something. So we did. We went on a two day hunting trip, and when we returned he took me to the late night Russian theatre. That was not a joyous time for Adam, considering he can't speak Russian.

"What did they say? Who's that? Is she the murderer? I have gum on my shoe." It was the only thing I heard through out the whole movie. It's not like I blamed Adam or anything, but it did take away from the experience.

"So… Who was the bad guy?" Adam asked as we were walking out of the theatre.

"Leopold." I answered with a sigh.

"…And which one was Leopold?"

"The tall one, with brown hair." Another sigh.

"They all had brown hair!" Adam exploded, throwing his popcorn to the ground. Many people stopped to look at the frustrated New Yorker, trying to make sense of the Russian dialect.

I simply chuckled and patted Adam on the shoulder.

"C'mon, lets do something fun." I said with a smile. Adam visibly brightened and hastily followed me out of the theatre.

* * *

"We all live in a yellow submarine…!" Oh dear God.

When me and Adam had walked out of the movie theatre, he decided it would be fun to hang out at a bar, even though I can't drink alcohol. He had been stunned at my lack of 'bar-ness', as he had called it, and decided to make up for it today.

So, Adam decided to get drunk.

And was now singing the Beatles.

No one could understand him when he talked, considering none of them knew english, but a few old guys knew the words to the song, and happily joined in with his terribly off-key singing.

Adam looked at me with a huge goofy grin on his face, then slung his arm over my shoulder.

"What's shakin' Bells?" He hiccupped.

I laughed at my inebriated friend before throwing a fifty dollar bill on the bar top.

"Come on, we should get you home before you start with The Rolling Stones." Adam just smiled bigger and did a fist pump.

"Whoo! Rolling Stones! I see a red door and I want it painted black, no colors anymore I want them to turn black!" Adam sang at the top of his lungs. Many of the elder patrons of the bar began to sing with him in their thick accents, I smiled kindly at them before leaving the bar, dragging Adam beside me.

"I see the girls go by dressed in their summer clothes! I have to turn my head until my darkness goes!" I began laughing uproariously at my companions shenanigans. He was able to stable himself on his two feet, and began to do a little Irish jig to his singing.

"I see people turn their heads and quickly look away! Like a new born baby it just happens every day!" In his drunken state, I was surprised he could remember the proper words to the song.

Some people stopped on the sidewalk and stared at the drunken New Yorker dancing an Irish jig, while I just stood there and laughed. It felt good to have strangers attention on Adam instead of having them constantly gawk at me.

I laughed when Adam fell over and decided that it was tie to come to his rescue. I gently pushed my way through the crowd and walked into the centre of attention, ignoring the gaps, whistles and cat-calls.

I picked Adam up and gently slung him on my shoulder, not caring who saw—they'd just think I'm freakishly strong for a girl.

As soon as I was out of sight and in the forest, I took off running. I had to slow down a bit because Adam kept telling me that "if you keep runnin' like that…I'll puke all o'er you're pretty new shoes that I gotcha!", so, with a sigh, I slowed my pace.

I made it back to our house with just a little time to spare before Adam completely knocked himself out. I stood him on both feet in his room, and watched as he ran to the bathroom—obviously forgetting about his height, he slammed the top of his forehead into the top of the door frame, splintering the wood, and knocking himself out cold.

With a heaving sigh, I plopped him onto his bed, not bothering to tuck him in. As I was walking out the door I laughed to myself, thinking about my new favorite birthday.


	2. Chapter 2: Given Up

**I'll update again as soon as possible, I'm currently on school holidays so I have plenty of free time on my hands.**

**I want to let you guys know now that there will be a fair bit of Third Person point of view in this story. I won't tell you why, 'cause that would give away some stuff I have planned ;)**

**Thanks for reading! xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

'_Given Up'_

I growled as I ran through the front door of my house, very nearly taking it off it's hinges. Adam was messily eating his medium rare steak, giving me nothing but I small thumbs up on my way out.

I had neglected my hunting a bit too much lately—only when my eyes were charcoal black would I succumb to the monster that lurked within my depths.

I had always found hunting to be tolerable, I resented the monster, but wasn't privy to giving it what it wanted. Not like now.

Every time I would regain my senses, let myself be pulled forward to regain my mind—all I could see was my Sire's mangled face. Her limbless body strewn across the clearing, my venom coated hands curling under the heat.

The utter chaos.

It haunted me. In the very corners of my mind, body and soul, it haunted.

It brings me forward in acceptance, making me think that I can close my eyes without seeing the mangled bodies around me, making me think that I'd finally accepted what had happened, what I'd done.

And then it makes itself known, tearing it's way into the forefront of my mind, searing my soul into unquenchable agony of the immortals dead at my hands. A life I had extinguished with my own monster.

It's starting to become too much.

The guilt, grief and sorrow is starting to eat away at my mind, starting to take over and crumble my body with nothing but the twist of a claw. The monster has been coming forward of it's own free will lately, the chains I place around it's wrists snapping more and more often.

I'm finding it difficult not to attack young children on a cloudy day.

What's happening to me?

I feel like I'm coming apart at the seams, my carefully constructed life burning in ashes around me, everything I've known, loved or cared about, no where in sight. Where is my life now?

_What life?_ The darker side of me whispered, freeing one of its wrists. I began to run my legs faster, trying to get completely away from any human scents.

_This is what we are…_ it said, a little louder, _don't fight it…_

The voice was hoarse, peculiar and persuasive. The edge it held in the very crevices of the way it spoke was winning me over, pulling me under. I found that I wasn't fighting as hard as I used to, I wasn't trying to prolong the feeling of being out of control.

I wanted this.

And with one last inaudible gurgle, I was pulled beneath the surface, a smile on my face.

* * *

**THIRD PERSON**

The monster laughed in cold anticipation, venom pooling in its mouth. The monster liked this part the best, hunting down its prey and giving it the first bite. The way the warm blood rushes through its mouth and down its throat, warming its veins.

Taking the hosts humanity.

Bella Swan is becoming more in touch with her monster side, becoming acquainted with the beast she truly is, the beast she had hidden from for twenty-six years.

The beast growled out a chuckle as it came across the scent of a lone coyote. Turning sharply towards the heated scent, the beast picked up it's pace, its obsidian eyes shining with a force of hunger and hysteria.

The beast stopped and sniffed the air gingerly; the air was permeated with the tangy scent of the Russian forest, hints of spice that was the coyote leaning in an arc towards the east.

The coyote was obviously hunting it's own prey.

The irony was not lost on the beast—the coyote, a hunter, becoming the hunted. How long will it be before the tables are turned on the monster, when will it become the prey, only seconds from death?

The monster laughed darkly and turned its lips up. _Never._

The beast leapt into the tree without making a sound. The only evidence of the beast's appearance being the floral scent it left behind.

The beast halted its pursuit, pausing just above the wild coyote, resting on its haunches, lightly growling at the baby fox it was eager to chew up. The beast controlling Bella's body threw itself forward, landing in a crouch in front of the coyote.

With a barely audible yelp, the coyote saw the beast for what it was, it didn't see what the mortal humans saw—a beautiful, naïve rich girl. No. it saw the monster beneath the surface. The monster that Bella will inevitably become.

The coyote back stepped and hastily turned on its haunches, taking off in a flutter of twigs and dirt.

The beast snarled hungrily, and sprinted after the cat, a dark smile gracing the vampire's lips.

The beast caught up with its prey, easily taking out its hind legs and rendering it defenseless. Another dark laugh broke the beast's lips as it lowered itself to the writhing coyote's neck, breathing in the scent of it deeply.

_Why would you want to hide from this? _The beast whispered ecstatically to Bella's mind, receiving a groan in response.

The beasts licked its lips, coating them with her tainted venom. The mercury liquid shone brightly in the Russian moonlight, reminding the coyote who was the hunter, and who was the prey.

The beast wasted no more time, and quickly bit into the cat's neck, the warm blood flooding into its mouth, receiving a moan of ecstasy. The fire liquid ran down not only the beast's throat, but Bella's too. Bella felt the relief the liquid brought to her fire ravaged air-way.

The ruby liquid spilled down the corners of the beast's mouth in its haste to consume the coyotes life. The beast could feel it's body start to warm as the blood flowed through it, the sweet liquid bringing the nectar of life straight to the buffet of monsters.

The beast relished in the feeling of it's hosts body warming, the utter need of being conscious fading in the beasts mind. It began to think more humanly, walk more humanly.

The beast let itself be pulled backwards, not putting up any ounce of fight—it had had it's fill, it feels no need to be attended to. Its thirst was gone, and it will stay buried for a while.

And with one last dark chuckle, the beast receded into the darkness of Bella's mind, submitting her Body back to the girl.


	3. Chapter 3: New York, New York

**Things pick up pretty quickly in this story, and i've been writing for hours today. I'll update tomorrow--_hopefully._**

**I've already gotten heaps of great feedback from the beginning of this story, and I can't wait to hear more, so please don't forget to review! :]**

**I hope you are as satisfied with this chapter as I am! xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

'_New York, New York'_

I walked back into our house with an aura of disgust. Disgust at what I had willingly subjected myself to. The monster I am.

And I knew, deep down, that I liked it. The monster gave you something else to look forward to. The eagerness of the hunt, the anticipation of the reward you receive after your prey is caught. The monster has given me nights of solitude where I am barren of lonely thoughts and memories.

I don't know why I've been hunting more often lately—but I suppose I do, I just don't want to acknowledge the reason.

Adam was lounging across the large sofa, watching reruns of an old sitcom. We both laughed when appropriate, but I felt like neither of us was really paying attention, I knew I wasn't.

Adam's face was pensive, like he was trying to work out the mechanics of a cars engine. His dark brow was furrowed and he looked to be thinking about his answer to his death question. His brow smoothed and he looked determined, sitting up he looked me straight in the eye.

"Let's go home."

Home? Adam had always been supportive of my decision to stay away from the Cullens and Volturi, he always told me it was the best thing to do. Why the sudden change of heart? I gave him a scathing looked and his eyes went wide, his mouth started opening and closing as he desperately tried to back-pedal

"No! I didn't mean…Agh. I meant _my _home. New York."

My eyebrows rose in disbelief, what's wrong with Russia? We had a perfectly respectable house, a hidden lifestyle. Sure, we had to hide a bit, but we were usually alone anyways, so our masks didn't need to be up as often.

"Why…?" I questioned after a time of silent thoughts.

"Bells, aren't you tired of my company? I mean, just me? If we go to New York, we can meet up with my old pack! Will's too! You may even be able to visit La Push…" Adam kept talking, but I had stopped listening.

I hadn't gotten tired of Adam's company, but I could tell that he was missing the company of his own family. Adam had sacrificed a lot to be here with me, this is the least I could do…right?

I've been feeling so…cut off lately. Like I'm shrouded in darkness. The world around me is a deafening roar, nothing ever making sense, nothing seeming worth my time. My time is limited, and I know that it's only a matter of time until the pain kills me completely, until I crumble underneath it's weight and become swallowed in the eternal darkness.

The pain from not being with Edward.

My Imprint.

I'm the first werewolf to ever go through something like this—wolves don't usually need to leave their imprints, and even if they do, they'd never leave them, the mere _thought _of it sends us into a frenzied panic. But I'm not a normal werewolf—if you could even call me that.

I need to get away from this pain, I need to alleviate it, it's too much. I don't want to collapse underneath its weight, _I want to feel alive._

I may be the first creature crazy enough to try this, but what the heck? Whoever said I was normal.

I'm going to fight the imprint. For all it's worth. An imprint has never been broken, though I'm not trying to break it, I will fight it. I won't fall into a pit of utter depression, I won't fall into crazy dream spirals. I will live.

I looked at the still talking Adam, and he must've seen something in my eyes because he stopped rambling, and slowly started to smile.

"Let's go."

* * *

I teleported Adam and I to a dank alleyway in between nothing and nowhere. The alley reeked of dying lives and plague carrying rats, the 24-hour Chinese restaurant across the street adding to the pungent stench of disgust.

I really could've picked a better alleyway.

Adam inhaled deeply, his not-so-sensitive nose not picking up the perfumed stench mine did. How anyone could ever live here, I'd never know. Adam's pearly white teeth grinned back at me as he jogged up to the mouth of the alley, looking from side to side, he seemed confident in what he was doing.

He looked back over at his shoulder at me, and beckoned with his hand.

"New York, New York." I said sarcastically. I ran to the head of the alley, the derelict scent hanging around my clothes and body, inevitably following me until I bathed myself.

Adam smiled brightly and took and left turn, obviously knowing where he was going. We were halfway down the street when my nose was assaulted by the scents of the New York werewolves. It seems to me like the travel through this area a lot.

It was late at night, or very early in the morning. Raving derelicts stood on the corners of their homes, pleading from any spare change as the world walked by them. Insomniacs were either out driving or walking around. Drunk twenty-one year olds were hooting and hollering on various places of the sidewalk, and lone business men drove their cars to and from work.

A typical night in the big city.

Adam was down right giddy as he walked next to me, his trademark smile never leaving his face. That's just the thing about Adam, he's always so damn happy. I chuckled as he nearly skipped over to the crossing, not waiting for the signal to turn green—no one was driving, so we could cross safely.

"Just a little further…" Adam kept murmuring as we turned down different streets. He really was eager to see his pack, they were—after all—like his family.

Sean had been left in charge of caring for the pack. He was the same height as Adam, with firecracker red hair that was pointed to perfection, his bright hazel eyes usually shone with mischief and humor. I had discovered early on that the New York werewolf pack was very fun loving.

Adam had an aura of excitement and love glowing around him. I could see the early birds of the city looking strangely at the young man skipping down the street, when their gazes fell on me I heard and saw their astonishment.

Their astonishment was misplaced on me. They were gob smacked by my physical appearance, my unnatural pale skin, golden eyes and wavy mahogany hair. Sometimes I feel like people can see through my exterior, and see the pain and darkness lurking within me.

I believe I have a soul. I just believe that it's corrupted. There is a difference between being a soulless monster, and being a monster with a corrupt soul.

Many philosophers believe that you aren't born with a soul, but that you must earn through pain and suffering. Had I earnt my soul? I know that it's possible for us to have one, the classic example being Carlisle and Esme.

Two people, filled to the brim with kindness, care and love. I never understood how Edward could look at them and still assume our kind had no souls. He was arrogant like that.

And now I'm angry again.

And the pain is gone.


	4. Chapter 4: Interlude

**So, second update for the day :]  
I think that deserves some love and reviews. Right?**

**Thanks for reading! xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

'_Interlude'_

"Adam!" Several wolves shouted, having caught sight of their previous alpha. Many snapped their heads up at the noise, and smiled at the sight of us. They all crowded around Adam, giving him hugs. Many of them smiled at me, and a few of the girls braved a quick hug.

"What have you been up to?" Sean asked both of us with a toothy grin. Adam looked at me and chuckled before answering.

"Ever been to Russian theatre?" Sean looked confused and shook his head. "Well, I have!" Adam finished with a high-five.

"It's not like he understood any of it." I laughed, He gave me a playful glare and began to make his way over to the sofa's.

Adam's pack lived in an old abandoned wherehouse on the outskirts of the city. It was right near the water and shone pale peach in the moonlight.

The wherehouse had several broken windows and didn't smell too good. The couches were mediocre and old, though looked very comfortable. Some members of the pack had built separate rooms with furniture in them, including a large kitchen, several bathrooms, bedrooms and several rumpus rooms for leisure.

All in all, it looked like a fun place that just needed a bit of fixing up.

The concrete walls were covered in hundreds of photos. Mostly of the pack, but there were some of family members, old friends, so on and so forth. Adam was catching up with his family while I looked at the photos.

What I saw next made me stop dead in my tracks. It was a photo of a young brunette, her shoulders clad with a strong arm draped over them. The arm belonged to a black haired male, a cheery smile on his face, his cheerfulness paled in comparison to the hidden pain on the girls face.

It was me and Adam.

He had _insisted _on getting a photo taken right after I had showed him and the other Alpha's (Will, Bradley and Jack) how vampires hunt for the first time. We had connected that day, I had told this stranger of a man everything that had happened to me, everything I was feeling, why I was feeling that way, how I was dealing with it.

And he had accepted it.

He didn't run away when I started to pour out my heart and soul, but he stood stoic and constant by my side, just listening, never interrupting, just letting me get it out. And after I had finished my vigorous story, he merely pulled me into a loose hug.

Adam truly had been a good friend.

I focused on the photo again. My face held concealed pain, and I only knew the smile was fake because I was the one sporting it. Do I look like that now? With a constant aura of pain and 'fuck-the-fuck-off' attitude? My eyes narrowed. _I hope not._

But I knew it was true, I knew that I have been like that, and sometime even worst. Masochistic, almost.

I came to New York with Adam in hopes to live, to try and forget about everything that has happened, to grow out of the pain, to grow up.

Looking at this photo now has confirmed my need to do so.

I can't let my life spiral downward until nothing was left, I can't let the monster take my life, humanity. It already had my soul, and I won't let it have anymore. Enough was enough. I wasn't going to give into that darkness, I was going to fight, like I should have been doing all this time.

Walking away from the photo wall with new determination, I joined the conversation of wolves, laughing, joking and story-telling.

* * *

**EDWARD**

My eyes were closed when I felt the peace and serenity envelope my body. It loosened my stiff limbs, relaxed my brow and unhooked my jaw, completely putting my at ease—so was the upside of my empathic brother.

I could hear everyone else in my family winding down from their rigid poses, backs arching in relaxation, breaths releasing and fists unclenching.

I thought back on these past nine months, the utter despair I've felt without my Bella. Carlisle's guilt and Esme's sorrow, Alice's sadness and Jaspers grievance, Emmett's confusion and Rosalie's rage. Rose wasn't exactly happy that Bella had left without an explanation, just taking off into the sky without so much as a 'See ya'.

We were all frustrated at something these days, and it was usually the same thing. Our lack of memories. We could all feel them, we knew they were there, but they were locked away in a thick shroud of fog and darkness, the key unknown in whereabouts.

We had daily sessions with Jasper. He would ease our minds and bodies, lulling us into a peaceful eutopia of no pain, sadness, anger, grief or guilt. A place where we could just _be. _Free of mundane emotions. We had all hoped that if our minds were relaxed enough, we'd be able to push through the darkness, that we'd be able to unlock our memories, and get Bella back.

So far, it has all been in vain.

The thick fog clouding our minds has only become thicker, and with it has brought on a new bout of frustration. The fog is always there, constantly at the very edge of our thoughts. It clouds all of our thoughts, and has prevented me from reading people more than once.

The next feeling Jasper threw at us washed all thoughts from my mind. And I felt it, straight to the core of my body, straight to the entity that I am, quaking my bones and rattling my teeth. Lightening struck through my mind and all peace left my body.

I was angry.

But like never before.

This sick strange darkness crept around me, like the shroud of fog was now enveloping me, the shroud that was hiding my memories and eluding us all to believe we had merely been unconscious for two and a half months.

The key to my memory was still hidden, but I had a feeling that I knew where it was, that it was sitting right in front of me. I felt around the darkness for the bronze medallion, desperately seeking its permission to the locked crevice of my mind.

I was shoved backwards, the medallion of a thousand promises slipping through my fingers. I heard shouting and snarls erupt around me. My eyes flew open to see a very angry Emmett pulling on his hair.

I was about to get into a crouch and respond to the snarl around me when my anger ebbed away, gradually dissolving into nothingness. All eyes went to Jasper in confusion as to what he had done.

"I'm sorry…" He began, "I was getting frustrated and then angry…I didn't mean to…"

Everyone let out a breath and fidgeted, not that we needed to, it was merely for human pretenses. I looked around the room, and from what I read from Jaspers mind, everyone seemed I bit worn out. Had they not felt the shroud being lifted like I had?

"Jasper," I started, getting everyone's attention, "can you make me angry again?" Many eyebrows were raised in my direction and I heard Rosalie scoff.

"Edward…Why?" Jasper asked, his curiosity piqued. I took a deep breath and began to explain what I felt, what I was thinking and how I reacted. Both Carlisle and Jasper were deep in thought about what this meant.

…_different for everyone…different emotions? _Was all I could get from Carlisle mind at the moment, his own darkened memories blocking his mind. Jasper was no longer thinking about the task at hand, but was staring intently at Alice.

Carlisle cleared his throat and got everyone's attention. Well, nearly everyone, Rosalie was pretending to inspect her ruby red nails.

"I've thought of what Edward has said, and thought of a few theories… Emmett," he began, turning to my burly brother, "what did you feel when Jasper made us angry?"

Emmett grimaced and cracked his neck, sighing he began to explain himself.

"Exactly that—angry. Except, it was a new kind of angry, like I had never so angry before in my life. It took all of my control not to started hurling things around the room."

Our father figure nodded and narrowed his eyes in thought, turning to Rosalie, he asked her the same question, she replied the same as Emmett, only giving one glance around the room. Carlisle nodded thoughtfully and looked onto Alice and Jasper, and finally Esme.

"So none of you felt what Edward did?" He received five shaking heads; no.

"…Perhaps it's different for everyone…Perhaps if we all feel a different emotion strongly enough…we'll feel what Edward felt? Like, we all have a different emotion specifically designed to unlock our memories…and only when we feel that emotion strongly enough can we feel the same as Edward." He finished, looking directly at me. I nodded my head, finding his theory very plausible. It was the only thing we had going for us right now.

"We'll try it again tomorrow, Edward," Carlisle said while standing.

"What's wrong with right now?" I demanded of him. We may have just figured out how to discover our memories of the past two months, and he wants me to wait until tomorrow? He could see how messed up I was lately—the leaving of Bella had me pulling my hair nearly every minute, it had me biting my nails, neglecting to hunt, sinking into black pits of despair…did he not want me to get better?

"Your eyes are pitch black, Edward…You _need _to hunt before we can allow this to happen." I sighed and pulled on my hair again.

"Fine." I stood up from my position on the ground and ran to my barren room, changing my clothes and quickly making my way back downstairs. I found Emmett leaning against the door frame, his clothes different, swinging car keys around his index finger.

I guess Emmett is going to accompany me today.

With a wave to the family, we climbed into Emmett's car, and set out to unleash the soulless monsters we were free on the unsuspecting Alaskan wildlife.


	5. Chapter 5: Faith

**So this chapter is pretty critical to the story, I'm shaping new character, yay :) And starting in on the plot line. Like I said before, the story picks up fairly quickly in the next chapters, so I hope you like it as much as I do.**

**Thanks for reading! Don't forget to review xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

'_Faith'_

The music shook me, blaring through the hormone ridden crowds in an epitome of noise and sweat. The sound reverberated off the dark walls, and pumped the adrenalin of everyone in the room. The coda rang through the room and the dance floor erupted, knowing that the spectacular song they were swinging their bodies to was coming to a close.

I sighed and turned back around on my bar stool.

Adam and the pack had decided to have some fun, and thought the best idea was to party the night away. I had been invited, and the only reason I came was so that I wouldn't be alone. I now regretted that action.

The bodies that lined the walls and floor of the _Hyro-Oxide _dance club were sweating furiously, their hormones peaked and blood pumping. The air was alive with drinkable bodies, and my monster was asking to come out and play.

I gripped the glass in my hand harder, careful as to not break it. I could see a confident, cocky man with a big ego weaving through the crowds of people, I could hear his wet heartbeat throughout the others, his smell particularly inviting.

He was smirking to himself as he sat next to me, and I now knew why he smelt particularly delectable. He was a user—a drug addict. Heroin hung off his body like a second skin, clinging to him like the tight black shirt he was wearing.

The man's eyes were bloodshot, and the overwhelming scent of alcohol mixed with heroin in his adrenalin filled body was practically irresistible.

"Hey baby…" he slurred to me. My pose went rigid when I felt his breath wash over my face. His blood hung in the air and I could feel my eyes run cold. If I didn't get out of here soon, I may just attack this guy.

I stood up abruptly, spinning on my heel and walking away from the man. His hand reached out to grab my arm, but his grip wasn't strong enough for me. I easily pried myself away from his grasp and weaved myself through the crowds, never once having to touch anyone, as everyone moved out of my way.

I made it to a deserted corner of the club, away from the ruckus of the music. The user I had narrowly escaped eating had already moved onto another girl. I sat in the empty booth next to me, resting my head in my hands and taking short, shallow breaths to try and get used to the smell again.

I shouldn't have even considered coming here, what with the way I've been feeling lately. Back in Russia, I was trying not to attack small children, so I don't know why I thought I could handle this.

I stiffened when I heard someone sit down across from me. I listened over the music, waiting to hear the same delectable heartbeat from the junkie earlier, but I didn't hear it. I didn't hear a heartbeat at all. Gently and discreetly sniffing the air, my form became more rigid when I registered the scent of vampire. The scent was a smooth liquid, and hung in the air nicely, coconut was fused with lime water and claimed the vampires body in it's rich smell.

I snapped my head up, my—no doubt, black—eyes meeting dark crimson. The vampire was female, and although her eyes were intimidating, they were soft and friendly, like the smile on her lips.

She had her pale hands folded on the table that stood between us—easily crushed if need be. The way she held herself was clearly showing me that she meant no harm, and was honestly just looking for company or someone to talk to.

"Hi…" I said, a little apprehensive.

"Hello." She returned, her voice laced with liquid silk. I narrowed my eyes in silent question, asking if she was here for a fight, she answered my holding her hands in front of her, palms forward, showing me she was not hostile.

I eyed her a little more before carefully extending my hand towards her.

"Bella Swan…" She grasped my hand with hers.

"Faith Timmins."

We shook hands and sat in silence for a moment, both trying to read the other person. Eventually Faith began to talk, starting off light.

"What's a vampire hybrid like you doing in a roaring place like this?"

I gave a slight chuckle and answered, "Out with friends…"

"Those werewolves?" She asked, pointing over to the table they were sitting at. I narrowed my eyes at her again…how does she know these things?

She saw my wary expression and laughed at herself. "Sorry, didn't mean to get you worried…I'll get straight into things…I know you are here with the wolves, and that you are a vampire hybrid because of my power." She obviously saw my piqued curiosity, and continued in finer detail.

"My power is much like that of Aro of the Volturi," _wince,_ "I touch any part of someone's skin, and I see their secrets. Though…I didn't see yours…"

Faith Timmins seemed like a genuine character, in the short time we've been talking, she has showed me that she isn't a typical nomad, she wasn't ravenous for constant blood, or unable to speak without a growl, she dressed to impress and I guess to hook a meal…

"And what about you?" I asked slyly, "what about your secrets?"

She smirked and held her hands out in mock despair. "What secrets?"

I smiled and chuckled, shaking my head. I could feel the air around us shift from humor to seriousness, looking back at Faith, I found her body rigid with unasked questions and unattainable answers.

I gestured to her, silently asking for her to begin.

"How are your eyes gold?" I sighed and launched into an epic story of how my eyes were gold and why I decided to live this lifestyle.

"Well," Faith began after my explanation, "I commend you on your efforts. But I honestly find it disgusting." I laughed at her facial expression, it was what I usually expected after I fed off animals.

The scrunched up nose, lips pulled into a frown, the brow furrowed and eyes shining with disgust. I was very used to it.

"And you never get the... urge to just drink from a human?" Faith asked in wonder.

"The urge is definitely there…" My voice became hoarse as I remembered the way the ego driven drug user had smelled before…the mere thought of it had my mouth pooling with venom, I very nearly contained the mercury liquid from slipping from my mouth.

"I know that look…" Faith trailed off darkly. I was sure that my eyes were wild with hunger, I needed to get out of here…quickly.

Faith sighed and pulled out a pen. Writing on the back of one of the coasters, she slipped it into my pocket.

"Look me up if you want to try something new, exciting, and _delicious…_" she finished with a whisper. I think I nodded my head, but I can't exactly be sure, my mind was growing hazy and my eyes were seeing red. I avoided the crowd of people dancing in the middle of the club, ran past several werewolves and out the back door. Leaping quickly onto the neighboring roof I sped through the buzzing city, hoping to make it to the forest in time.

* * *

Coming out of the forest, I was grateful I had made it there in time. As soon as my feet had hit the solid damp ground, the monster tore loose, desperately searching for the delectable scent of the drug user.

The blood of the wicked always tastes best.

Their blood is tainted, enriched with substances we can no longer consume. It isn't the same with food or non-alcoholic drinks, they don't stay in human's bodies or have the same effects that drugs and alcohol do.

I pulled out my cell phone and noticed I had two missed calls from Adam and a txt message waiting.

From Adam.

The guy really can worry sometimes.

I deleted the missed calls and opened the text.

_Where are you? I'm guessing you went for a hunt. We're back at the wherehouse, but you don't _have _to come and hang if you don't want to. I'm not saying that we don't want you here, because we do! I just know that my people aren't really your people…and…well…yeah…_

_Call me when you get the chance._

I slid my phone back into my pocket, perfectly content to just walk the night away into the next horizon, when I felt something else against my hand.

I pulled out the little circle piece of cardboard, a bright green logo on the front, advertising a new brand of beer. I flipped it over and read the phone number on the back—so this is what Faith had given me.

What did she mean by "_something new, exciting, and delicious..._"? Who knows. Besides Faith. Faith seemed to be around average height and in her mid to late twenties. Her light brown hair was cropped short, a side fringe that a lot of the kids were sporting these days.

She was wearing your typical clubbing clothes, though hers seemed to be a bit more out there. By the color of her eyes I could tell that she hadn't eaten in a while, so she was probably out tonight hunting down her prey.

Perhaps she got to the egotistical man with the mouthwatering smell.

Jealousy reared its head.

_We could've had that…_ The wretched monster growled. _It could have been ours…The sweet, sweet nectar of life… could've been ours…_


	6. Chapter 6: Existence

**So, this is the chapter where things really start to pick up, and I hope you like this chapter as much as I do :)**

**Thanks for reading, don't forget to review! xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

'_Existence'_

Adam sighed as we got in the Taxi. We were going back to the wherehouse from the Cinema. Adam had been adamant that we see a movie in a language he could actual understand and speak. I just rolled my eyes at his antics and agreed.

Sean, Audra and Kelly had decided to accompany us.

Sean and Audra were very close to becoming a couple any day now, and I can see how fond of Adam Kelly is.

I get the feeling that she doesn't like me.

I actually get the feeling that a lot of females don't like me. Like I'm trying to muscle my way into the man-meat known as Adam. They think I don't see the sneers or hear the low growls. _Fuckin' idiots._

I'm not about to correct them anytime soon, they can assume what they want, only Adam and I know where my heart lies, in the arms of the memory barren Edward Cullen. God only knows what he's doing to it.

Despite my best efforts, I couldn't get what Faith had said out of my mind, constantly repeating it to myself… "_something new, exciting and delicious…_" what on earth could she have meant by that?

I knew. At least, I think I knew. It was like the answer was staring me in the face, and it was too close that the lines became blurred, and I looked past it. Did I want to see the answer? The obvious answer I was over looking. I don't know.

I don't know much these days.

It's like I'm a normal human girl, deciding whether to stay in her home town with her young love, or go to college and take all the opportunities presented to her.

Except I was deciding whether to get mixed up into the game of a human drinking vampire and her possible coven.

Faith had shown me that she wasn't hostile, and kind. As kind as a human drinker can get, I suppose. In the time I had been in her presence I felt different…Looking back on our encounter, I can see miniscule details that were different. He presence had alarmed me at first, but I had immediately warmed up to her, even made a dark joke or two… very un-Bella like.

Even though Faith couldn't read me, when she looked at me with her dark crimson eyes, I could feel that she could _see _me. See me with my corrupt soul and inner demon, my inner struggle to define who I am.

Because I don't know.

What defines me? Makes me the person I am today? The characteristics I had once known where now clouded, unknown to even me. The beast lurking in my toes was trying to swallow me whole, trying to take me over.

How much had I helped that?

These previous months, willingly submitting myself, how has this affected the beasts plans? Before the war, I knew the beast was there, I had always known…but I had never felt it… Like I do now.

I feel the beast ready to let lose, ready to corrupt me further, ready to make me lose my earn't soul and mind…all my traits, emotions and actions will ultimately become hers…What will be left of me?

If I even exist.

* * *

The warehouse was covered in darkness, all of the mortal inhabitants sleeping peacefully. They had left me to my own devices, telling me to help myself to the television and gaming consoles. It amazed me that a pack of thirteen wolves didn't have any books to read…

So here I sit…idly playing with my fingers, staring at the ominous crescent moon and wondering how far it's light has stretched tonight. I had heard some of the pack murmuring to each other how they wish I wouldn't sit so still because it gave them the "jeepers".

Fucking grow a pair.

_My, my…what a temper…_

Go away.

_Why…why would I do that?_

Fuck. Off.

I cricked my neck to the side, satisfied when I heard a crack. I stood and began to pace, trying with desperate vigor to rid myself of the monster. All to no avail.

_You know I won't leave… You can run and hide… _

Shut up.

_I'll always be there…_

Shut. Up.

_Running with your shadow…_

"Shut up!" I growled, pulling at the roots of my hair. I was breathing heavily and felt my eyes grow cold for the second time this week. No, no, no, no! I can't be thirsty again! I just _can't!_

My coat pocket began to feel heavier, as if the answer to all my problems would be solved by simply slipping my pale hand in there. I removed a shaking hand from the death grip I held my locks with, and hesitantly dove it into my pocket.

I pulled out the solution to my problems, staring at the straightforward green piece of cardboard. I don't know how long I stared at it for, I only know that when I made my decision, my breathing was ragged and thoughts of doubt were running trough my mind.

_You can do it…_

No.

_I'll be there for you… you won't be alone._

No.

…Yes.

With one last deep breath, I dialed the number, crossed my fingers and held my breath.

_Thank you._

* * *

**EDWARD**

I sighed in frustration, pulling on the roots of my hair for the fiftieth time today. Emmett and I had arrived home a few days ago from our hunting trip. I had drunk until I was ready to burst, not wanting to leave the house again until I had remembered everything I needed to.

Jasper was currently working with Alice, trying to help her remember things. In mine and Emmett's absence, he had discovered that Alice's emotion was jealousy, and I could see it in the way that Alice's face was scrunched up, that it was having an affect.

Alice's mind seemed to be darker than everyone else's—like the shroud of fog was covering more than necessary. She had asked me about it, whether anyone had that much more of an inconvenience, whether anyone else was that blind, her thoughts when I told her that no one else was this bad went into overdrive.

She hasn't confided this in Jasper yet, but I get the feeling that she'll have to soon, who knows what we may uncover?

I could only see part of Alice's mind, the jealousy that Jasper was sending her is obviously starting to take affect. From what I could divulge of my clairvoyant sisters mind was that she was having a bit of trouble feeling the darkness, like there was too much to handle.

She gently and warily prodded at it, thinking that if she did too much the floodgates would open, and it would wash over her without any warning…Alice didn't feel prepared for what may be coming.

She tried to pull the curtain away slowly, and it was taking a lot out of her to lift up a little to just see a bit of light in her memories, neither of us were prepared for what seeped through that little crack.

"_Fooled you…" _A high pitched voice mocked. Alice was still bereft of images to put the new audio to, but it was good enough that we have _something _to go with.

"_You hurt Sire. No one hurts Sire."_

The voice sounded familiar, and it took me a moment to pin-point where exactly I knew it from.

The answer hit me in the form of an unguarded memory. It was a few hours before my memory turns black and time skips. I remember walking into the Volturi throne room, our family had just come back from hunting, and A new vampire stood before the thr—_four _Volturi leaders.

I remember her sauntering over to me, confidently pushing her chest into mine and trailing a finger down my chest.

"_Hi," _she had practically purred, "_I'm Olivia."_

"_Edward… That's an interesting name."_

I was pulled out of my memory by Alice gasping, holding the side of her head. Jasper immediately stopped washing the jealousy over her, rushing to her side.

My sisters mind had been able to get through the first layer of fog…and yet I felt it was different from my own experience. I had felt like with one simple twist of a key, all my memories would come back, Alice is having to fight through all these layers and levels of dust and darkness.

Could it be that she's fighting against a different fog?

Alice had never remembered her human life… Could this thicker shroud be the gate to those memories? The memories of her mortal days, the days where she grew up, matured, and eventually died? Would Alice really want to see her life so badly that it could warp her mind today?

I'm not sure what to think anymore.

* * *

**So, there's chapter six, I hope you all enjoyed it :)**

**I need your opinion! I'm thinking about starting a new story after _Carpe Noctem _is finished.  
Here's the summary;**

**_Everyone needs a happy ending--even Tanya Denali. With Edward happily married, Tanya seeks her own love. A story of happiness and sorrow, secrets and lies, love and loss. The story of Tanya, and her Beau._**

**Vote on the poll on my profile--let me know if you'd read Tanya's story :)**

**Regards and well-wishes!  
xSteffers.**


	7. Chapter 7: Weak

**Short chapter! I know, I'm sorry. I've been busy with the real world and writing just keeps getting pushed down on my to-do list. I promise to update tomorrow :)**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

'_Weak'_

I walked a human pace down the road, I knew the club would still be open; it was having a special twenty-four hour night due to its third birthday. I found my way there easily, and this was a time when I was vehemently grateful to have detailed and unforgettable memory.

Unlike _some _people.

The derelict stench I had smelt on my first night here steadily began to make itself known. I don't smell it all that often because I'm usually at the wherehouse or in the forest. But tonight it was unmistakable. It permeated the air that clung around me, and I knew that I'd need another shower if the stench were to ever leave my body.

Cars were out and about tonight, like it was just the midday traffic and not…2:48 a.m.

Many sober and drunk mean beeped their horns at me as they drove past, and I swore a couple of women did too. I studiously ignored them. It wasn't that hard considering I had been doing it for twenty-six years now.

The moon was crescent and one lone cloud stood as a vigil next to it. There was a gentle breeze caressing the treetops and swaying the grass, rattling the chains from the swing sets.

A beautiful night.

I turned right down the next intersection and was met with the pulsing neon sign of _Hyrdo-Oxide _greeting my lonesome body. I walked past the line of sleep ridden people, again, ignoring the hooting and cat-calls. I walked straight up to large bouncer and smiled seductively. I could see his eyes through his unnecessary sun-glasses, and knew he was stunned.

Still in a state of bliss, he unhooked one end of the red velvet divider, granting me access to the bar, Faith Timmins and a night a may never forget.

Walking in the club, I noticed that there weren't as many people as last time, but definitely enough to get my venom boiling. I discreetly sniffed the air and followed the liquid coconut scent of Faith, weaving my way through drunken bodies of hormone ridden males and females.

I saw her brunette head snap up as I stood next to the booth I had met her on a few days ago. She was wearing the same style of clothing as last time, and her hair was just as disheveled, her red eyes shone with anticipation and excitement.

"Bella," She greeted happily, rising from her seat and hugging me like we were life-long friends. I wove my arms around her waist in apprehension, but eventually becoming comfortable in the embrace.

"Sit, sit," she commanded of me, a grin on her face. She sat across from me, the same spark of curiosity in her eyes.

"So," she began, "why did you call me?"

I balked. I didn't exactly know why I called her, the monster had told me to do it, and I hastily obeyed. God knows I didn't want the beast to take forceful control of my body, it's best to just hand myself over.

Several moments of silence later, I answered, "I don't exactly know."

She pursed her lips and cocked her head to the side. The air became thick with unasked and unanswered questions. I looked anywhere but Faith's face, knowing that if I saw the glint in her eye, I would crumble and give her what she wanted.

I'm weak like that.

"Bella," she began, "we're all the same…we all have an inner struggle and we all do things that we regret, or we regret things we don't do…life isn't fair."

And there it was, the same thing I told myself nearly every day for four months. Life isn't fair. Life isn't fair.

Should life be fair? If it was, everyone would get what they wanted, no one would need to work, no one would be sick, no one would die. The world would crumble underneath the weight of everyone getting what they wanted. It wasn't built for that.

No, life isn't fair, nor should it be.

"…I'm not happy…" I began shakily. Faith laughed dryly and bit the inside of her cheek.

"Who is? I know all about you and Edward… I saw it in the wolves secrets… I'm sorry." She trailed off, looking at me in pity. I could only muster three words.

"I'm sorry too.

"I honestly don't know why I'm here… I just…" heaving a sigh I looked the mysterious Faith in the eye. "I wanted it… something new… I think. It wasn't me that wanted it, though.

"There's something inside of me… something I've been denying… I don't want to deny it anymore. I think. I don't know… The only thing I know these days is pain… And I swore never to become that pit of despair again… I don't want the pain. I want to live."

Faith smiled and that glint in her eyes shone again. "That's where I come in."

* * *

**So, what does the mysterious Faith have in store for Bella? Should Faith be trusted? Would you trust her? I'd love to hear your theories and opinions, leave a little love! :)**

I need your opinion! I'm thinking about starting a new story after _Carpe Noctem _is finished.  
Here's the summary;

_Everyone needs a happy ending--even Tanya Denali. With Edward happily married, Tanya seeks her own love. A story of happiness and sorrow, secrets and lies, love and loss. The story of Tanya, and her Beau._

Vote on the poll on my profile--let me know if you'd read Tanya's story :)


	8. Chapter 8: The Aftermath

**This chapter may shock and confuse some of you, but all will be revealed in chapter nine. xx**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

'_The Aftermath'_

I don't know what drove me to agree with Faith that night. I don't know why I had even dialed her number, why I had asked for her help and understanding, why I had asked her to help me to live.

That's a lie.

I know why I called her, why I asked for her guidance and to give me this new experience, why I had let myself be completely altered and changed in a matter of hours.

Because that's what I am now. Changed. Different. Altered…Corrupt. Call it what you want, it all has the same meaning. Even for me. Faith had given me something I had never experienced. The joy of doing the unthinkable.

I had always been happy with my existence. With what I was doing and how I was doing it. It had always been tolerable, more than tolerable. I thought it was worth it if I didn't have to accept what I was…

That's the reality of my actions. I'm trying to accept who, or what I am.

Will the beast leave me be if I let myself be commanded by it, giving it what it wants? Will it still let me have a sense of self?

Or will it completely eclipse my mind, taking with it my body and soul? Rearing its head in the dead of the night and destroying what's left of my life…whatever is left of me.

It's hard to say.

I can't tell myself what happened before the new..._experience. _The night was completely darkened under the lights of my hunger and ever growing need.

I seemed to be pushing my boundaries lately—the boundaries I had created in hopes of this never happening. The boundaries I had lived my life by.

I didn't just push them that night… I broke them.

Broken my vows, wishes, promises. Broken my guilt, envy, anguish. Broken my soul and corrupted the pieces.

What would my family think of this? The only family I really consider to love these days… my pack brothers and sisters… what would they think of me? The respect, honor and trust I had built with them, the foundation we had created together. Shattered. All in one night.

The flames erupting from the broken trust clouded my eyes, robbing me of my sight. It was all I could see, their disappointed and ashamed faces…some faces of disgust and others of hate. They'd have no choice but to rip me to shreds.

Would I let them?

I'm looking in a mirror now, but I don't see my reflection. No. This knew woman has an aura of glee and disgust emanating her flesh. Her blood red lips almost smirking at what had been done, the monster clear on her face. This woman wasn't me, but the person I had created—completely new and eager for the beginning of a new era.

And I'm no longer staring into the liquid topaz eyes of a monster trying to retain its humanity.

But the blood red irises of a monsters acceptance.

* * *

**EDWARD**

"_Have you had any luck?" _The morbid voice on the other end asked.

"No, Caius… we haven't."

With one last growl, the irritable royal hung up on me. He had called at least once a week, hoping we had remembered the two and a half months we were 'gone'. Otherwise known as the 'dark time'.

He blamed us, Caius. Well, to be more specific, he blamed _me. _I had driven away his only daughter, the only other creature he had shown his true self to. The only woman with enough power to soften his hard exterior and get to know the person that lay within him.

In a way, he was right to blame me.

But you can't just lay this blame on one person. Everyone's at fault. As to why, we have no clue, only that we had done some terrible things.

I had never seen Carlisle so broken.

He had prided himself on never taking the blood of a human, on being able to resist the calling of the blood, on being able to fulfill his dream of becoming a doctor.

All that pride was lost.

He no longer works at the hospital, he feels like the thirst may get the better of him. He had to start all over again, he had to become re-adjusted to humans in order to save them. He fears that his life may just be an endless cycle.

Jasper was away with Alice, Esme and Carlisle on a much needed hunting trip. In the time of two days we had discovered Emmetts emotion—humiliation. Jasper had been working with Emmett for hours, and he was close to unlocking his memories, but Jasper couldn't take the pressure and work anymore, and practically collapsed.

I now sit at the single white loveseat in our new home of Anchorage—thinking of the day Irina teleported us here.

She hadn't take us home to Forks, and when questioned she answered with a simple, "you don't want to go there…"

The confusion and curiosity was starting to become a bit much for Emmett. He wanted to know what had happened in Forks after our rapid departure, and part of him wanted to consult the La Push wolves in the hopes of getting some clue as to what had happened to us. What we did.

We did something. We all know that, and whatever it was, it was obviously bad. I still remember the way Bella was speaking before she flew out of my life, the acid and anguish in her voice.

"_I can't stay and pretend everything is okay, that the past two and a half months never happened…they happened, and everything is not okay…the things that happened…__the things you did…"_

Haunted. That was what she sounded like. Like something was eating away at her mind, and she'd soon collapse underneath the weight. Something very wrong is happening to Bella Swan, and I doubt it's from my hidden memories.

I hope to God she is alright.

_I love you…_

* * *

I eagerly closed my eyes, hoping that Jasper will send me enough anger this time. I had been waiting for Jasper, Alice, Esme and Carlisle to return from their hunting trip for two days, and my patience was becoming tested.

Jasper had revealed to Rosalie, Emmett and I that on the way back from their hunt, he discovered Esme's emotion—loneliness.

We were beginning to find a pattern in our emotions—none of them were centered around happiness, love or joy. This certainly narrows down our search. We were all in high hopes to have unlocked our memories by the end of the month.

I felt Jasper wash the rage over my cool body. It swirled above my head until it gently layered itself over my hair. It crept over my fingers and swiveled into my bones, completely enveloping me.

I welcomed it, fueling the rage with hateful and guilt-ridden thoughts. Hatred towards myself, guilt towards what I struggled to remember.

The fog in my mind began to circle, laying itself over my thoughts and feelings, silencing voices and the world around me—taking me captive.

I gingerly prodded the shroud, finding that it felt like a thin curtain. I tried to lift it up, but discovered it weighed too much, the shrouds defenses were thin, but weighed heavily in my mind.

I reached into the everlasting darkness, hoping to connect with the bronze medallion of my memories, wishing for nothing more than to turn the key in the swaying shroud, and unlock what lays hidden.

It was daunting—in so many ways, I longed to see what lay hidden underneath the dark shroud. I was also terrified. Terrified at what I may see, what I won't, terrified that when I discover what happened, that I'll never get Bella back…

Was I really prepared for this?

It doesn't matter.

I can think that I'm prepared; I can think that I'm ready to unlock the shroud, but I never will be. The things I'll see will change me, and I know they will. I only hope that I'll live through what's coming.

That I'll live to see Bella again.

* * *

**So, what do you guys think Faith did? What did Bella do? What's going on with Caius and the Volturi? Give me some theories and a little love :)**

**I need your opinion! I'm thinking about starting a new story after **_**Carpe Noctem **_**is finished.  
Here's the summary;**

_**Everyone needs a happy ending--even Tanya Denali. With Edward happily married, Tanya seeks her own love. A story of happiness and sorrow, secrets and lies, love and loss. The story of Tanya, and her Beau.**_

**Vote on the poll on my profile--let me know if you'd read Tanya's story :)**


	9. Chapter 9: The Night

**Chapter Nine**

'_The Night'_

I wrapped my arms around myself, steadying the gasping and shuddering breaths that consumed me. Sorrow was high on my list right now, constantly eating away at what was left of me—if anything was.

My phone kept ringing, a desperate soul trying to seek my voice, seek their own answers to my absence. I looked at the little screen and saw that it was flashing '_Adam! :-)' _. He's been trying to call me for a long time now. Minutes? Hours? Days? I had no idea how long—I only knew that time had no meaning.

The dank alleyway my life now occupied was in between nothing and nowhere. The scents were very faint, and I could tell hardly anyone ventured down this lane. Darkening blood stains marred the concrete surrounding, and it's obvious that a murder had been committed here.

The blood only added to my quivering form.

I let my phone ring, never once thinking about picking it up. Adam would be able to hear the shake of my voice, and interpret it into something far away from the truth. The truth of my revelation, the truth of broken promises.

I slammed my head back against the concrete, feeling a crack split halfway up the wall. My memories took me under, making me relive two nights ago, the night where Faith changed everything.

-:-

Faith smirked across the table at me—the glint in her eyes taking on a predatory shine. Her ruby eyes narrowed as she organized her thoughts, and from the look on her face I could only divulge that my life was going to change forever.

"Are you sure you want this…?" She questioned softly, though I could detect a joyous undertone.

"Yes." I answered stoically. She nodded her head, stood her long legs up, and held her hand out to me. I looked at her for a moment before taking her hand, the temperature equal to mine, her skin warm and soft.

She led me to the bar and we each sat on a stool.

"Do as I do."

I watched intently at Faith, swirling the drink she had ordered, I don't know what it was, but she ordered one for me too.

I could hear a man stumbling through the crowd, slurring about how he needed to 'get the hot chick'. I smirked at his antics and found that Faith had the similar predatory image on her face.

The drunken fool eventually made his way over, trying to play it cool with the vampires. He was tall, and his black hair was disheveled and greasy, and his facial hair was in a desperate need of trimming. He was sporting a black leather jacket and tight grey shirt, complete with a cheap knock-off Rolex.

"Hey Sugar," he purred drunkenly, "whats'a pretty lady like you doin' in a place like this?"

Faith winked and swiveled around on her bar stool. "Looking for you, Handsome." She complimented, trailing a perfectly manicured digit across his jaw. I swear, he nearly fainted.

I breathed deeply, only now registering the scent this man held. Alcohol, and cocaine… another drug abuser, another creature with the sweetest blood. The man was staring at Faith with pure, unadulterated lust, unbidden and unashamed, I saw it, Faith saw it, the fucking bartender saw it.

Her trailed his sweaty palm slowly up her cool thigh, and I'm sure any woman would've found it sensual. I could see the masked disgust on Faith's face, and I'm sure the clammy hand feeling her up wasn't what she expected.

"Follow me," she hissed low enough for only I to hear. I nodded discreetly and watched her gently give the lapel of his jacket a tug, standing from her seat, and leading him out of the club, all the while her hips swaying seductively.

I gave a dark chuckle and stood from my seat, ignoring the glares many girls sent my way, and the low whistles I left in my wake. Taking the same route Faith did, I slowly made my way into the alley behind the jumping club, the derelict over taking the desire.

I don't know what Faith had planned, nor what she wanted me to do, I only know that I'd do it, and that I wanted this too…that I was losing myself.

My steps became heavier with my acknowledgment, the price of what I could possible do hung over my head, blaring with warnings and telling me to turn around, with each warning I received, the beast growled in my mind.

_Don't listen… Have some fun…_

Okay.

_**No! Think about your family! All that you've built!**_

Maybe…

_No! You've wanted this for so long… Have it._

I don't know.

_Take. It._

Maybe…

_You want this._

I do.

It was like I had my good and bad conscious sitting on my shoulders, coaching me through a bad situation, one wearing a halo, the other holding a flaming pitchfork.

The devil clad side of me won, suffocating the do-gooder angel with a lock of my hair. Taking a deep breath, I began to pick up my pace, coming closer and closer to the event that would change my life forever.

Giving a flirtatious smile to the bouncer, he opened the back door for me in a lust induced haze, stepping out into the cool New York air, I easily found my way to where Faith was waiting.

"You made it." She smiled at me. The drunken man kept sucking on her neck, I rolled my eyes at him and she giggled. "Are you ready for this?" I nodded my head, and she stepped back from the man, trailing a finger gently across his throat, he was smiling until his skin was cut.

Faith had dragged her nail swiftly and sharply across his airway, severing the skin and allowing the ruby liquid to spill like a fountain. My eyes grew cold and my hands fisted. Faith was no longer in front of the wide-eyed man, but I couldn't find it within myself to care where she was.

"He has such sweet blood," I heard her murmur behind me, "…take it."

She was offering me this? The sweet nectar of life I've been denying myself of for so long? I had never killed a human, and the only time I had ever tasted their blood was when I changed Cassie. Could I kill this innocent man?

_He isn't innocent… drugs, alcohol… who knows what he's capable of…_

"Drug and alcohol abusers blood taste the best… their tainted veins affect us, gives us the high they feel…it's like nothing in this world…" Faith whispered, eager to give me something new.

Could I do this? The answer is yes, I could. But do I want to? Do I want to throw away everything I've built, disregard my families and possible shun myself from their humble society?

Yes.

I want this.

The monster growled in anticipation, but left my mind to myself, letting me savor this moment and what I was about to do.

I took two cautious steps forward, my hand reaching out to the gasping man. Faiths presence was not lost on me, and I felt her stoic body beside me, giving encouragement and confidence.

"I'll be right here…" she said with a smile, "Go on…"

I took another step forward, and crouched next to the man, gently running my pale finger across his blood, causing him to whimper. I studied the blood on my finger—the ruby liquid was dark crimson in the moonlight, and I knew that even if this blood ran cold, it would still give me something new.

I tilted the mans head to the right, exposing his neck. I slowly leant forward, and gently inhaled the teasing scent, making my once lucid form weak with desire.

"Delicious…" the word dropped from my lips before I could even register what I was saying.

"Wait until you taste it." Faith whispered in my ear. I was about to bite down on the dying mans neck, when I heard footsteps coming from the mouth of the alleyway, I looked at Faith pointedly, like I was giving her a command, she smirked and went to grab the unsuspecting male, luring him to our depths with promises of his fantasies.

She came back with another catch, and this man was clearly on the path to alcohol poisoning. She gestured me back to my meal, and I whipped my head around, lowering my lips to his neck.

I didn't waste anytime with foreplay, or 'I'm sorry'. I bit into his neck like his flesh was nothing more than butter, and began the divine interlude of my life.

I could hear Faith robbing her meal of its life, as I was mine. She would be finished hers before I, because she didn't need to savor her food.

This was something completely new to me, something foreign and unexplainable, I needed to feel every drop of blood run down my throat, I needed to savor the liquid quenching my fire, and I needed to appreciate what Faith had given me.

The tainted blood of this tainted soul tasted like heaven on my lips, answering all my questions and giving me all my desires. The purest of ecstasy in the form of a human, the bounty of my meal giving not only me relief, but also the monster in my depths.

Every drop of life that ran down my throat was a soliloquy sung to my corrupt soul, the liquid numb stealing my pain, and replacing it with more shadows for me to hide in, a place where I can contain my true self, but don't have to see it.

And all of this is just a prologue until my big finale, the lines of my written immortality blurring with every drop I drink, until the lines are no longer present.

I was creating a new person, and every drop of blood helped to mould that persons life. I can live the life of a fucked up teenager, getting my highs and numbing the pain—the only difference being that I'll drink their high, and numb my own pain.

I could feel the addicts blood starting to affect me, the colors in front of my eyes began to swirl into a void, and I understood that the void was the lack of blood. I dropped the now dead body from my lips, and looked to my right at Faith, sitting casually against a wall, smiling to herself.

I stared around me, marveling at the dark colors of night, and picturing things that weren't really there, but what I wish was. The darkness of the alley swirled and danced around me, creating shadows that weren't alive, and memories I could relive. The moon warped my vision and everything was out of focus, shaking my bones and laughing through my throat.

I spent the night laughing and sobbing at my own hysteria, the tainted blood tainting my monster ridden veins, and feeding my hysteria until nothing was left. I began to look at things normally again, and noticed that Faith had left a note for me when she left.

I couldn't get up, I couldn't move. The revelation of what I had done and experienced hit me full force.

I simply wrapped my arms around my knees, and hugged them to my chest, sobbing out my monologue of depression.

* * *

**So, I hope that answered some of your confusion and questions, PM me if you need anything answered. So what do you think will happen next? What will Faith and Bella do? And what about Adam? Give me some theories, I'd love to hear them :)**

**I need your opinion! I'm thinking about starting a new story after **_**Carpe Noctem **_**is finished.  
Here's the summary;**

_**Everyone needs a happy ending--even Tanya Denali. With Edward happily married, Tanya seeks her own love. A story of happiness and sorrow, secrets and lies, love and loss. The story of Tanya, and her Beau.**_

**Vote on the poll on my profile--let me know if you'd read Tanya's story :)**


	10. Chapter 10: Gossamer Dreaming

**So, I'm really happy with this chapter. It starts to show how Bella is changing, and how it's affecting her. I hope you like it as much as I do!**

**Leave a little love, don't forget to review :) xx.**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

'_Gossamer Dreaming'_

The incessant buzzing on my phone kept rattling my ears, bringing me back to the present. I looked high into the sky and saw the sun hidden behind the clouds, a safe day for my legs to wander.

I disconnected another call from Adam, not having enough courage to speak to him right now. I was about to race off, when I remembered the note Faith had left with her absence. I daintily ran over the pavement, picking up the note and stuffing it in my pocket.

I raced across the rooftops of the big city, everyone in too much of a rush to even notice my blurring form. The wind blew through my hair, whipping around my body violently, soothing my quivering muscles and eradicating loose thoughts.

I stopped on a large building, at least twenty-three floors high. Standing in the middle of the roof, I cautiously released my wings, wrapping them around myself, I felt the familiar falling sensation as the midnight feathers carried me away, evaporating my body into the nothingness that is New York, and then reassembling it at a location I knew well.

The forest was dense with color and the wildlife scattered—the scents that hung in the air had once been concentrated, but now lacked in proportion. I turned my head and looked through the wilderness. Green.

I swiveled to the left. More Green.

Green.

Green.

_Green._

Everywhere I fucking look. It's like a disease plaguing this tiny town, choking the residents with its repetition. It was foggy, and it smelt like it was going to rain soon. Nothing new in this hole.

I don't know what drove me to teleport to Forks, I just felt like this is the place I needed to be, that this was the place that would solve my problems. No matter how many places I reside in, this dank, depressing town will always be home.

I stepped out of the dense vegetation and onto the battered road. No cars were piled up at the streetlights, honking their horns and stringing profanities—it was definitely a scene change from New York.

New York.

_Adam._

I halted my feet on the gravel drive, pulling my phone out with a shaking hand. It's been about three days since I had seen and spoken to Adam. He must be worried sick. The little LCD screen of my phone lit up.

_46 Mixed Calls – 27 Text Messages_

Shit.

It began to buzz again, lyrics splintering the silent air.

_Funny how I'll be nervous still  
I've always been the easy kill  
I guess I always wi— *_

"Hello?" I answered grudgingly. I had thought about just letting it ring out, but that wouldn't be fair to Adam. He had been by my apathetic side for nine months now—he deserved better than this.

"Bella? Are you okay? Where are you? I've been worried sick!" He continued to rant into the phone, and I let him get it all out. It was obvious that he had been looking for me, his voice was hard and tired, yet held the tone of determination. I guess he wasn't going to rest until he found me.

"Adam," I barely whispered. I knew what I had to do, and I knew it was going to be hard… But it's not like I could go back to him—he'd see my eyes…he'd be disgusted.

He was desperately trying to find me, and I'm desperately trying to hide.

"…Bella?" His tone had escalated, "Bella where are you?"

I pulled the phone away from my ear, letting silence overtake my thoughts. I needed to be in a good frame of mind while I do this, I need to be stable, and not act like the mess I have been for the past three days.

"Adam," I spoke softly, "I can't thank you enough for what you've done, for the companionship you've given me. You were like a light in the dark. But, I feel like I need to do this on my own from now on. I feel like this part of the journey is my own to take."

_Liar._

Fuck you.

The other end of the line was silent, and I could hear the wolf's heavy breathing. I heard a growl and then the rumble of the phone.

"No way Bella, I know something's up, you don't sound right. What happened?"

"Nothing happened." I ground out.

"Don't lie to me, Bella. I've been with you for nine months now, you can't lie to me." I know this was going to be hard, but I hadn't expected Adam to fight back.

"I'm not lying!"

"Yes you bloody are! You always are! I see the pain on your face Bella, I see what you try and hide from me, I know you're changing, and not for the better. Right now is not the best time for you to be alone, and I think we both know that.

"You always try so damn hard, you always try to hide. You don't have to hide, Bella. Not from me."

"I need to be alone, Adam."

"No you don't. You're running again. Damn it Bella! You don't have to do this alone, instead of closing everyone out, let someone in, let someone help you, you don't have to be so strong all the time. You can run, Bella, but you know I'll always be chasing you."

Damn. Damn, shit, fuck. I was hoping Adam would just leave me be, but I guess I underestimated our friendship. "What do you mean, 'I'll always be chasing you'?"

"I'm not going to let you be alone, Bella. If you run, I run, if you hide, I hide. Now, where the hell are you?!"

"Goodbye, Adam." I whispered into the phone. I clicked the 'End' button before he could start protesting and yelling again. And now, nothing.

Silence.

Nothing but the sound of my own loneliness, nothing but my red eyes staring at the three mile drive ahead of me, nothing but the green disease known as Forks.

I'm alone now.

_No you aren't…_

You don't count. Fucker.

I growled in my mind and began to sprint down the dirt drive, watching the dirt turn to gravel, and eventually cement, the dense vegetation opened up to a clearing where the large mansion sat, fighting against weeds and tendrils that curled into windows, and made it near impossible for any human to navigate themselves to the door.

I stood in front of the battered home, not moving, speaking, hearing or breathing. It was all unnecessary, it was all pointless. I had high hopes that Irina would call me within the first two months of my departure, bringing me the good confirmation that my family had found their memories.

My hopes were too high, and they fell a good thousand feet.

My sadness turned to anger, burning hatred. Not just at my family, but everything and everyone. Olivia and Bat—two vampires so power hungry that they were blinded to the world around them. Oh dear God how I wished I could've killed Bat.

_Your temper never ceases to amaze me._

Adamaris. Not only had she taken my life from me—she took my body, spirit, soul. She had taken my human life and ripped it to pieces, she created a freak to not only the mortal world, but the immortal world too.

They ruined me.

I walked a human pace to the rotting mahogany and glass door, standing in front of it, I couldn't stand the reflection of my wild, red, high induced eyes. My breathing became heavier, and my hands fisted at my sides. My body began to quiver as I tried to contain my rage.

All to no avail.

I tore into the house, knocking not only the door down, but half of the wall too. I felt satisfied as I saw the interior of the Cullen mansion in tact, knowing that _I _would be the one that gets to mess it up.

I flipped over the couched and sent the single leather chair through the wall, I ripped the pictures frame from the hooks and slammed them onto the ground, smiling when I heard the snap of glass.

I shine caught the corner of my eyes, and I turned to see Edward's gossamer piano sitting upright, not a scratch on the glossy black. Edward had always been so protective of it—it was quite ridiculous actually.

Smirking to myself, I stalked over and placed my hand on the highest note, I pressed down harder than necessary, and dragged my hand slowly down the keys, hearing each of the ivory notes snap under my digit. Removing my hand from the lowest note, I gently laid it underneath the piano, and flicked my wrist effortlessly.

The piano went soaring through the air, through the window, and landed in a mess in the jungle formerly known as the backyard.

I walked back into the living room and gave one last fleeting kick to the crumpled pile of the two-seater leather couch, shifting it's position and exposing something I had thought lost.

Underneath the splinters was a small metallic object, dented and severely scratched. A lighter. _My _lighter.

It was the lighter Siobhan had given me. My own Irish blessing. I exhaled shakily as I read the inscribed message.

"_May the road rise to meet you –May the wind be always at your back – May the sun shine warm on your face – May the rain fall soft upon your fields until we meet again – May the Lord hold you in the palm of His hand."_

Siobhan had hoped that it would help give me hope and restore my Guardian status. It did neither. I just used it to burn the remains of those who I killed.

Looking at the lighter, I saw how it resembled my own body. It was dented from the impact of being dropped, it's hope colliding with the ground, it was scratched and battered from careless use, and no one looking at it long enough to see the burning fire inside.

Just like me. Just like _fucking _me.

Where's my happy ending?

Do I even deserve one?

* * *

**What do you think? Does Bella deserve a happy ending? Will Adam keep chasing Bella? Who knows. Leave some love and your thoughts, I can't get enough of your theories. I don't know when I'll update next, my life is going to be a bit hectic in the next few days, so if I don't update soon, don't flip out, 'kay? :)**

**I have a new poll on my profile regarding this story. Would you rather read from Caius' point of view, Adam's, or Faith's? Let me know**** [:**

*** Bella's ringtone is 'Kill', by ****_Jimmy Eat World_**

**xSteffers. **


	11. Chapter 11: Outbursts

**Sorry about the delay, the Holidays are over, school is back and I've literally been swamped with homework and assignments.**

**_I NEED YOU GUYS TO VOTE ON MY POLL!_**

**_I can't update again until you do._**

**

* * *

****Chapter Eleven**

'_Outbursts'_

**EDWARD**

"I can't take this anymore!" I read Rosalie's outburst before I heard it. Her mind conveyed nothing but frustration and exhaustion, the two emotions everyone seemed to live off these days.

"We need to find out what we did, and we need to find out _now. _We're going to La Push." I began to shake my head at the idea. We needed to figure this out for ourselves, we needed to come to terms with this, and we couldn't simply read it off of one of the Wolves minds. It's not the right way.

"Don't sit there and shake your head at me, Edward Cullen. You want to find out just as much as we do."

I scoffed and bit the inside of my cheek. "It's not right, we need to figure this out on our own, and—,"

"And what? We haven't gotten anywhere closer to getting back our memories, fat lot of good this is doing. The closest we came is Alice's encounter, and we haven't gotten anywhere since!"

I sighed in frustration and pulled on the roots of my hair. Looking around the room, I saw everyone's uncertain faces, clearly trying to decide whether traveling to La Push was for the best.

Emmett was the first to agree, nodding he got up and hugged Rosalie, kissing her cheek, he ran up to their room, packing what he thought was necessary. Jasper was thinking over the positives and negatives of this trip, trying to find some loop hole that would prevent us in moving forward, or would take our progress back a step.

Carlisle was already letting himself be convinced that this would help, and Esme would follow anywhere her children went.

Ultimately, they all decided it was for the best, and I was forced to go along with them. I didn't find it necessary, but Esme responded to my groaning with "I've been forcing loneliness upon myself, Edward, I don't want to feel it in reality."

Heaving a defeated sigh, I climbed into the back seat of Calisle's car, preparing myself for the encounter we would have in a few hours with the wolves who wanted to rip us apart.

I didn't bother with entertaining myself, I did nothing but stare out the window for a good two hours of the drive. Carlisle was in front of Rosalie on the road, and was not driving as fast as he usually did.

_Son… _He tried to get my attention, but I continued to stare petulantly out the side window.

_Edward… _He tried again. Sighing, he knew I would not respond to his thoughts. "Edward,"

I raised one of my brows, still not looking from the window, taking this as progress with my silent state, he continued. "I know this has been hard on everyone, especially you, and I know you want to stay faithful and loyal to Bella's wishes, but maybe this will help, maybe this will be a step forward."

"And maybe they'll try to kill us," I snapped.

"Edward!" Esme reprimanded. I continued to stare out the window, and raised a hand to my hair and pulled.

"Stop that, Edward," Esme scolded again. "They have honored the treaty, why would they break it now?"

"Maybe because we broke our side."

It was true. We did break our part of the treaty. Yes, we may not have known what we were doing at the time, but we fed of humans, we destroyed Volterra and however many lives that came with it. The wolves had a free shot at us now, and all we had to do was sit and wait.

I could see the pain etched in on Carlisle's stone face from my reminder, not a day goes by when he doesn't think about the lives he took, whether they were innocent or not, whether it was a boy or a girl, how old they were, what they did for a living, their friends and family, children.

It will take a long while until Carlisle can forgive himself.

The rest of the car ride was silent, everyone stewing in their own thoughts. Of course, Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie had heard my conversation with the patriarch of our family, and each thought I should build a bridge and stop behaving like a two year old.

The car wound around bends and turned corners, the black rubber of the wheels turning smoothly and softly. I thought about breaking the smooth rubber with a flick of my finger, I thought about abandoning the car and my family, just so I wouldn't have to watch the disgust laced on the La Push wolves faces. The faces of Bella's family.

Maybe I should just let them tear me apart.

Jacob Black is a man I loathe. Though he is Bella's closest brother, he and I never saw the same level. When the pack was starting to form an alliance with my family, he was always very cold to me. I don't blame him.

I had turned the woman he saw as his sister into a wreck. He was constantly bombarding me with mental images of Bella hunched over, her arms wrapped around her torso. Sometimes she was shaking, other times she motionless. It all stood for the same thing.

In all honestly, I was jealous of him. He took care and consoled Bella through her transformation, he and Sam were there for her when she was trying to control the thirst, they watched her grow into the person she is today.

Where was I when she opened her eyes from the fire?

Where was I when she breathed into her new life?

Where was I when she went on her first hunt?

Where was I when she left La Push?

No where.

Because at that time—I didn't exist. I was merely but a shell of a man, trying to come to terms with the heinous crime I committed, a monster trying to redeem himself in the eyes of not only God, but his parents, brothers and sisters.

And I had failed.

I remember Alice calling the La Push pack to warn them of Victoria, I remember being dragged from my home and to the vile smelling land; I remember when Bella burst through the forest, giddily riding on the back of the Jacob wolf. I remember when my world was woken up again.

Yet I couldn't remember two months of memories!

I can remember every miniscule detail of my life; everything is folded into my mind, categorized, cross-referenced and then stored in a giant filing cabinet that reads '_Edward Anthony Cullen'. _And yet, when I search through the cabinet for the two months I am missing, I find nothing. My memory skips two months.

It's too aggravating to speak about.

Carlisle pulled over on the side of the road, and calmly got out of the car, Esme and my siblings followed, only when receiving a raised brow from my mother did I move from my leather solace.

We were on the outskirts of La Push, and I was grateful that I was so absorbed in my thoughts, that I did not have to watch Charlie Swans house appear and fade in the distance. Giving a once over to everyone, Carlisle nodded, and we discreetly made our way into the vegetation bordering the treaty line.

Carlisle briefly pulled his cell phone out and rapidly dialed a number, from what I could hear on the other end of the line, he had contacted Sam, who was now in the process of getting a few wolves with him to meet us at the treaty line.

Carlisle was standing in front of us, Esme close beside him. Jasper was to the left and a little behind Carlisle, as was Emmett to the right, their respective spouses at their sides. I was left standing alone.

That seems to be happening a lot lately.

_Jeez Edward, you look like I ate your puppy. _Emmett chuckled.

Fuck you, Emmett.

* * *

**So, what's going to happen with the wolves? What's happening with Bella, and where is Faith? An old character is returning next chapter ;D**

**Did you like the update? Let me know, drop a review and a little love!**


	12. Chapter 12: Episodes

**Chapter Twelve**

'_Episode'_

**EDWARD**

I'd be lying if I said things went well with the wolves. I'd also be lying if I said I expected more from them.

-:-

We patiently stood at the border line, waiting for the pungent and putrid scent to become more concentrated, stronger.

I heard little about what Carlisle told Sam over the phone, and I didn't particularly care either way. This was wrong, this _is _wrong.

I became lost in my thoughts, the train it was on eventually leading back to Bella, as always. I remembered her perfectly, every curve and corner of her body, the sparkling life her eyes held, topaz gleaming through the wettest rain.

Her mahogany hair cascading in tendrils, elegant and beautiful since the day I saw it, her once brown eyes held wisdom and knowledge beyond her years, and highly concealed pain and doubt.

He curved body, intoxicating the thoughts of any man within a two-hundred meter radius, lulling my frantic mind into nocturnal peace, effectively bringing a sun to my world and giving my soul-less body a shadow.

But more than anything, I remember the wings.

Not because they were beautiful, and not because she was a messenger of the supposed God.

They were _sexy._

The stench threw me from my thoughts, eradicating any peace I ha gain in tat miniscule moment.

_We want to know too, Edward… _Alice thought, annoyed. _We need to do this._

_Get. Over. Yourself._

The wolves were all here now, and stood in a loose V-formation, Sam was standing as a human, as was Jacob and Paul at the point. Jared and Oliver were to the right, and Embry, Jason and Seth were to the left.

"Sam," Carlisle greeted, Sam answered with a curt nod.

"So, what do you need?" His voice strained.

My Sire hesitated for a moment, and his thoughts were wondering with what would be th best way to approach this.

"Help." He finally answered.

"Help?" Jacob scoffed, "You want help? _You _want _help _from _us?_" The incredulity hard in his voice.

"Yes." Carlisle replied, ever calm.

Jacob was about to speak again, and I was all but ready with a snappy remark for him, when Sam cut both of us off.

"What do you need help with?"

Again, Carlisle hesitated. None of us knew how the wolves would react, and we knew that we couldn't hurt them, not after years and years of obeying the treaty, not after Bella.

This was her first family.

And, currently, her only one.

"We need some…assistance, with our memories. Please…could you tell us anything that may—,"

"No."

I looked at Sam in exasperation, though I had been expecting this response, I still had a little bit of hope that they'd hear us out, help us out.

"What do you mean 'No'?!" Rosalie flung at them.

The poison laced in her voice caught the wolves, and sneers adorned their faces.

"What? Can Little Miss Beauty Pageant not figure it out for herself? No means no, get the hell off our land." Paul spat at her.

Rosalie's techni-colored eyes narrowed, she raised her hands and snapped two of her fingers together. A large boom sounded through the area, and a wave of crystal matter lightly jostled Paul.

Growling, Jacob began to shake, his eyes not on my sister, but furiously probing me.

"What did I do?" I asked him, "What did I do to hurt her so much?" All the growling that had began from the attack had slowly ceased, and everyone was now watching our exchange.

"I won't tell you… You need to _remember. _You need to remember every little detail of what you did, so you can feel the full guilt and pain you deserve. Now, get off our land, Leech."

I don't remember when I got back into Carlisle's car, or how I even got there, I only knew that we were now completely alone.

And there's only one thing left to do.

* * *

**BELLA**

I stood behind what was once the Cullen mansion. A grand place filled to the brim with beauty, art and mythical creatures. It was now just a run down house. It looked like it had been abandoned years ago. Graffiti still lined the outside walls, and the once neat interior was all but burnt.

Several holes marred the walls from where I had punched or flipped furniture through, and said furniture now laid in pieces on their back lawn, the largest hunk of mess being Edwards piano.

I stood gazing down at the once gossamer surface, the cracked surface contorting my reflection. Though my features were disfigured, I could still see my eyes clearly. The once topaz gleam shining with the blood of the addict.

The addicts blood.

The _blood._

My mouth pooled with venom as I thought of the abusers blood. His liquid life sliding down my throat in one smooth motion, quenching my fire and burning through my needs, creating new ones in its wake.

My eyes grew cold and venom leaked from my mouth, it burned it's way across my flesh, searing itself into my skin, reminding me of where I was. I snapped back to reality, and swallowed the venom, desperately trying to keep it at bay, desperately trying to rid myself of the monster.

_It's a bit late for that… don't you think?_

I didn't try to reply, I was too busy trying to keep my venom at bay, too busy trying to get the image of the addicts blood from my mind, too busy trying to turn my life around.

Too busy trying to find a new addict.

My mind surged, thinking of ways to get to someone, anyone. Thinking of ways to lure the drug abuser away, drinking them dry and stealing their high. My mind and body had betrayed me.

And I didn't care.

I wanted this, _needed _this. This wasn't just thirst anymore, this wasn't just sustaining my life and living on. It was so much more than that.

_So much more._

It embodied me, swirled deep in my thoughts and hooked me to the core, ripping its way to my mind and taking hold. I no longer wanted to be like Faith.

I _needed _to be like Faith.

This new feeling relished within me, like it had been waiting several lifetimes for me to be like this, for me to be the monster I am. Before today, I just wanted something new, something to ease my mind, body and soul. I wanted to feel different. I needed this now.

I need the blood and I need to be who I truly am. I need to accept this once and for all. All my life, I've been running from what I am, hiding within my own depths to try and steel my pain.

And now, I needed to stop running.

And I'm going to.

* * *

I growled in appreciation, dropping the woman away from my mouth, her lifeless body hitting the pavement of the alley with a dull thud. No heart beat was heard, no breathing, no eye movement, no footsteps or rummaging cloaks. Nothing but the silence of my animalistic growl and the void the drug abusers blood has provided my aching body.

The walls around and above me seemed to swirl, twist into the black of the warm Seattle night. They swirled and swirled until they were no longer there, and the area around me was different.

I soared above the clouds, my eyes scanning everything and nothing.

The scene changed again and I don't know how…

I was in a room, bodies were everywhere… Blood cascading down necks and faces frozen in eternal horror and agony. The blood stained walls bared a similarity to the club in New York, but I couldn't be sure.

I looked back at the bodies, curled around each other, like large cats in front of the fire place.

Large Cats.

Funny.

_So funny._

I was no longer in the building of corpses, and there were large oak's surrounding me, like they were guarding my entrance to the land of the lost, barring me my damnation. Anger spiked.

A roar split the air and I carved through the forest, destroying the guardians and protecting myself, and like so many other times tonight, the destroyed forest began to swirl into the black pit of shadows, the death of lives weaving itself into the shadows of my soul.

The blood I had drunk hours before had been so concentrated, so pure and holy to the heaven of my lips. The woman was slowly killing herself, I just helped shorten the death sentence.

I don't know how I ended up on the forest floor, but I did. I don't know how I ended up laughing, but I did.

And then my vision was stolen, replaced by the swirl I had seen before.

But I couldn't feel myself, and this was no longer my body…screaming ants trooped from my ears and set ablaze the ground of night, soldiers hoisted from my chest and constricted my body, shooting my chest…the scolding burn of my venom filled veins suddenly became real, and the fire was back.

My shoulders were shaking, but not of their own accord. Beyond the lethal ants, soldiers and fire, I could feel two hands on my shoulders, and a muffled voice that was liquid heaven.

"_Bella!" _The voice shouted.

My name was calling me from the fire, trying to save my life. The ants pouring from my ears no longer set the earth around me on fire, and the constricting shoulder began to lessen their bullets.

The voice was clearer now, "Bella!" It shouted, familiar to my aching ears.

The ants stopped marching, and the soldiers unhooked my limbs, the only sound left was my ragged breathing, and the relief filled sigh from above me.

Opening my eyes, I saw the last person I expected to see.

"Hans?" I asked in a confused whisper. His face was shadowed by the moonlight, and his uncertain eyes shone with a ruby gleam.

"What the hell just happened?" He asked frantically.

I searched my mind, hoping to not only appease him, but also myself. I remember the burning fire running through my veins, and my ears and chest exploding from rapid fire. I have no idea what happened, I only know that it was hell.

"I… I'm not exactly sure myself."

"I know." Another voice joined from behind, feminine and familiar. Turning to face her, I saw Faith's red eyes looking at me in slight worry. Hans tensed behind me, and let out a warning growl.

I reached over and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, I know her." He looked at me skeptically for a moment, before freezing, his eyes wide.

The hand I held on his shoulder tightened slightly as I felt him inch forward on the haunch of his feet. I tried to keep my face cool as he stared into my red eyes, a mirror of his own.

"I thought... I thought that you… What?" He whispered, confused. Faith sighed and let out a small laugh, when the sound resonated through the air, Hans' eyes snapped up, looking at her strangely, a look I had never seen on his face before.

Lust.

_Damn it_.

* * *

**I'm sorry if this chapter confused some of you, or if this wasn't my best work. What do you think? Let me know.**

**So, Hans is the returning character, yes, I had a plan for him all along, what do you guys think of that? Any new theories? The next chapter should be up soon, and I'm happy to say that Adam won the poll, so expect to see something through his eyes for a little while :)**

**Thanks for reading, leave a little love! **


	13. Chapter 13: Kill

**Chapter Thirteen**

_'Kill'_

Faith and Hans had spent the last two hours explaining and discussing what had happened to me. Apparently the woman's blood that I drank was too concentrated, too purely mixed with the drugs, she had probably been a user for years, and, because of that, I couldn't handle the aftermath.

Little after the explanation of my 'episode', was completed, Hans and Faith really seemed to… _hit it off._ They would both laugh at something the other said, and casual touching of each other's arms were frequent.

Eventually, Faith turned to me. "Did you read the note I left?" She asked, a bit amused, a bit frsutrated.

"Uh… no?" I answered A little timidly. She sighed in exasperation, pulled it out of my pocket and read it aloud.

"_Dear B, I'll be back soon. Don't go anywhere, the first few days are hard. –Faith. _And what did you do? Run away! God, I thought you were going on a mass murder through out the freakin' city.

Something she said struck a chord, like I should remember something vital. I stood for a moment in confusion and concentration, desperately trying to remember the time before my episode.

_I was in a room, bodies were everywhere… Blood cascading down necks and faces frozen in eternal horror and agony._

Mass murder…

_The blood stained walls bared a similarity to the club in New York, but I couldn't be sure._

City…

Perhaps Faith was not that far off the mark.

* * *

"Damn Bella…" Faith whistled, "Didn't know you had it in you…"

Neither did I.

"They're all dead." Hans said, a bit relieved and a bit disappointed.

"You wanted a meal?" Faith smirked at him.

"Well, I was hoping—,"

"What are we going to do?" I interrupted.

"What do you mean?" Faith cocked her head to the side.

"We can't exactly leave over a hundred bodies to be found by the police." I snapped. Hans looked a bit worried, his eyes never leaving Faith's now smirking face.

"Why not?" The excitement in her voice was tangible in the air around her. "It would be exciting, wouldn't it? And those Royal's of yours will just think this is the work of a ravenous newborn.

Excitement? Was she honestly that thick? The Volturi would eventually send someone to investigate, and our scent would be everywhere… My own family would be hunting me.

I would be hunted.

_Me._

The super strong, super fast hybrid who can defeat an army with a flick of her wrist… I would be the one in danger this time… Danger, something I haven't experienced in a while.

Faith was right… This _would _be fun.

"Okay," my voice was different to my ears, "but at least dispose of a _few _of the bodies."

Faith was appeased with my answer, and quickly disposed of around twelve bodies, Hans never leaving her side. I could see smugness in Faith's eyes, and I'm pretty sure she was playing with our newest companion.

I guess we were a coven now…

A coven of three.

Something blurred in my mind, when I tried to look at it I saw it was murky, like my eyes weren't as keen as they were now, like this was a human memory.

I heard crashes of lightening, and light-hearted laughter around me…

The memory shifted, fragments lost in the darkness.

Three people…vampires stood there, one I saw as Victoria, and a dark skinned man… Laurent?

There was another, his eyes dark and… hungry?

Again, the memory shifted, and I was in a mirror room with the man… Joe? Jim? James?

James.

I remember feeling scalding pain all over my body, and hearing a voice of the angel, my angel… Edward?

And then it ended… Lost forever in the shadows of my human memories.

What happened that day?

"Ready to go, Bella?" Hans called, excited. I turned back around, seeing the room rearranged, the bodies no longer laying in their original places, there was no longer blood spattering the ground, and there was no trace that there had been a vampire here.

To a human, at least.

A vampire would be able to tell within a second that this was the work of their brethren. Perhaps even the work of a newborn…

We all stood in the door frame, silently looking at the work we had done with the place.

"I like the wallpaper," Faith said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, it makes the place really vibrant." Hans commented.

"The chairs are really modern," I put in.

We were commenting and giving our input and thoughts on the interior decorating of the room, like there wasn't over forty dead bodies rotting into the night.

We were truly careless now.

And none of us gave a damn.

When Faith had told Hans on what we did, of what the drug filled blood did to us, he was stunned and more than curious. He asked to join us and Faith had agreed all too eagerly.

The three of us walked out the back door, and I swept wind through the building once more, removing any traces of our scent. We were playing with fire, and it was the most alive I had felt in nine months.

And I loved it.

I loved knowing that I didn't need Edward to feel alive and good. Because that's what I was feeling, good. I liked drinking the blood and I liked what it did to me. I liked not having to deny the monster, and I liked being who I'm supposed to be.

* * *

We watched from the shadows as the club owner unlocked the front door, a tired smile on his face. The aura around him was excited, like he was one of the few people who enjoyed their jobs.

Ha. Not for long, old man.

He stepped into the foyer heavily, and with a sigh he flicked the lights on.

And then, he stopped breathing.

I smirked at his rapid heart beat, the gagging in his throat and the careless curses rolling off his tongue. He fumbled back onto the sidewalk only to throw up, tears streaming his cheeks.

To any vampire, the club would be a work of art, but a clueless human would find it a nightmare, like something out of the movie 'Saw'.

Dry blood lining the floor like a red carpet, corpses littering the dance floor and bar, some with gouged necks, others with simple bites.

A horror movie where Hans, Faith and I were the stars, the puppeteers, and all three of us knew a sequel was in the works.

The club owner was sobbing into his mobile phone now, and I heard a calm operator on the other line ask him what the nature of his emergency was. Faith laughed when we heard sirens in the distance, like they were actually going to catch us.

Hans stood from his spot and helped Faith to her feet, I stood and joined them.

"Let the chase begin!" Faith giggled.

I suppose that, now, we're all sitting on the razors edge.

* * *

"_In other news Seattle Police are investigating a mass murder at the popular club 'Renaissance'. Leroy Helladic, the club owner, opened his bar expecting to see nothing but the clean floors and dim lights, instead, he was met with the horrifying scene of over forty corpses. Police are still identifying the bodies, and if you have any information regarding the investigation, please, contact the Seattle Police Department immediately."_

It was horrifying.

Disgusting.

Unbelievable.

Hilarious.

The anchorman for Channel Three news quickly changed the subject, his eyes a bit frantic and the sheen on his forehead shone under the studio lights. His small black pupils would drift to random props in the make-shift news room, and had a small twitch in his left hand.

Mr. Weatherman was a user.

It's been exactly eight hours, forty-seven minutes and fifteen seconds since we left the alleyway of the Renaissance club. I as actually a bit surprised to see that a low scale convenience store robbery was put before our story on the seven p.m. news, but happy that we had made the news at all.

"And that's how you get famous." Hans laughed, a bit of his ego slipping into his voice. I chuckled darkly and watched Faith swivel around our hotel room.

"How many more clubs do we have to hit before the Royals come for us?" She asked in a sing-song voice.

I saw Hans' eyes drift to me, also waiting for an answer. "I don't know how the repairs are going in Italy, but they _do _have their ways of finding out. A few more might make it international news. Lets just see how things go. Give it a few more weeks, and then we'll hit the club down town."

"You mean _Bloc_?" Faith asked, the familiar gleam in her eye shining with anticipation.

"Yes."

She smiled and swiveled her hips over to Hans, kissing him on the lips she stretched her hand out, "You coming?" She wondered, eyes drifting to the bedroom. I groaned as they disappeared, not wanting to be an audience to their actions.

I leapt from the couch and drifted down the hallway, wondering what activity may appease me tonight.

* * *

**Hit or miss? Leave a review :)**

**I'm really trying to get away from the angsty Bella now, and also trying to make Edward harden the fuck up. What do you guys think? Hans and Faith? More murder on the dance floor? What do you think will happen next? Let me know!**

**Don't forget, Adams POV is next chapter :)**

_*This chapter was inspired by Jimmy Eat World's 'Kill'._


	14. Chapter 14: Adam

**Finally, the long awaited chapter that features Adams point of view :)  
I can't even begin to tell you how much fun it was to write from his perspective, nor ho difficult it was. I was trying to get Adam's character perfect, and it proved to be a lot more difficult than I thought.**

**Unfortunately, I have bad news with this chapter, but I'll catch you guys at the end.**

**Read on, x.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

'_Adam'_

**ADAM**

Life sucks.

A lot.

I was running through the forest when she called me, trying in deperate vein to find any trace of her scent, any print her foot had made on the ground, any blood or dead elk from a hunt she may have taken.

So imagine my surprise and relief when she calls me.

I know that she's safe, alive and nowhere near me.

And then she wants to be alone.

After everything we went through together, after everything I've helped her do and every once of pain I've seen her hide from not only me, but herself too.

And she wants to be alone.

Does she honestly think I'm that stupid?

I can't say that I knew Bella would become like a little sister to me, because I didn't know. I didn't know that the woman I was fighting a war for would mean so much in my life, become my only companion for nine months, or become one of the only people I confide in.

But she did.

She's like the little sister I never had.

And, true to her 'little sister' role, she was getting on my nerves.

She wasn't okay, and as much as she thought she was, she wasn't alone.

There was something in her voice, something had changed with her and I didn't know what. I only knew that something significant had occurred and she was now hiding it from me.

She doesn't have to hide.

What did she think when she was calling me? That this was for my own good? That I'd judge her, call her every name under the sun and then hang up on her? That I wouldn't care?

That I wouldn't search for her until I found she was okay?

Because that's what I'm doing now.

I contacted Will's pack and let them know that I was searching, and if Bella showed up to check on them to keep her there until I arrived.

I would've called the Quileute wolves, but, in all honesty, they scare the crap out of me.

I can only imagine what Sam and Jacob would do when they heard I lost their sister. I've seen Jacob angry and I do _not _want to be on the receiving end of that. Ever.

And what's Pauls problem? That guy hates everyone that hurts anyone in his family, hell, sometimes he even hates his family. But I've seen all of them with Bella, and I know that she means too much to all of them to be hurt, I know that she means too much to the Cullens to be missing.

So I ruled out calling the Quileutes immediately, and I didn't even consider calling the Cullens of the Italian vampires, if Bella found out she'd skin me alive.

If she were anywhere near me, that is.

Sighing, I picked up my pace, my sandy fur glowing in the moonlit shadows. I'd need to hunt soon if I wanted to keep running through the night.

I've taken to running through the forests at night and sleeping during the day, considering my wolf form is a lot faster and keener than my human form.

I didn't know where Bella was, what was wrong with her, or what she was doing.

I only knew that I had to find her.

She doesn't have to do this alone, she doesn't have to hide everything. She thinks that the world is on her shoulders, but only because she lets it hang there. She needs to know that it's okay to talk to people, that it's okay to rant and rave every now and again.

It's okay to be scared.

She's only alone because she wont let anyone in.

Sure, she may not answer the phone, but I don't see her throwing it away either.

I was getting close to the Alaskan border, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I reached Irina's new residence.

If I was going to find a vampire, I would need a vampire.

* * *

**EDWARD**

We all stood around Alice, our faces eager and worried. No one knew what was happening besides me—Jasper could only vaguely understand her emotions.

Yet again, Alice had penetrated the first layer of the shroud.

"…_Well done, Childe."_

"_Thank you, Sire…"_

Adamaris and Olivia?

"_They're all fully responsive… gone in the ocean… Couldn't follow… scent masked…"_

The words became muffled and distorted, the fragmented sentence making no sense to me.

Although, part of it did catch my attention.

"_They're all fully responsive."_

Finally, our first clue.

Then, Alice's mind flashed with not only audio, but visual too.

I saw golden eyes, Jaspers, clearly vacant and trodden, he looked unresponsive and quite clearly comatose.

Before I could decipher anymore, the visual was gone and Alice was gasping for breath.

Everyone looked on in with worried eyes as Jasper calmed his spouse, murmuring that everything was okay, and how proud he was of her.

I was busy trying to remember where exactly I had seen the vacant look before. Because I knew I had seen it, and not just on Jasper.

It was a little bit before my memory cuts and fast forwards, like it was mere hours, minutes or seconds until I became unconscious.

We were coming back from a hunt, walking down the passages of the Volturi castle, I remember smelling a new scent, something unfamiliar to me then, but what I now knew as Olivia.

Several people walked past us, some Guard members, the Egyptian coven, the Irish coven…

Siobhan, Liam and Maggie…

Maggie.

I remember her eyes being distant, and her mind was closed to me. At the time I thought she was zoned out, merely trying to pass time…

She had been distant then.

Had she come from the throne room? Where we had met the awaiting Olivia?

Perhaps we should visit Ireland, and take another close look at Volterra.

* * *

We were nailing out the finer details of our overseas trip. Esme and Alice were gathering things we would need, Carlisle and Jasper were tying loose ends and Emmett and I were watching the news.

"_The mysterious destruction of the Italian city, Volterra, is still baffling the rest of the world. Once a thriving and joyous city now lay in partial ruin, under what circumstances, no one seems to know. What little dwellers remain in the city have begun to help the council with repairs and clean-up, while the Police department have their hands full with over three hundred missing person cases. No one knows what happened to the bright city, all we know was that it was something horrific."_

Don't tell me twice.

"_In other news…" _The anchorman began _"Police stumbled onto another mass murder in the inner-city area of Seattle last night. The popular teen club and bar 'Bloc', is anything but popular now. Over thirty-three dead bodies were found late last night, a familiar blood pattern spattered along the walls. Police have confirmed that this mass-murder bears a striking resemblance to the one committed at the '__Renaissance' club over three weeks ago now. The SPD have no new leads, and are vehemently advising people to stay in at night, at least until the murderer has been caught."_

The anchorman continued to give the gruesome details of the discovery.

"_Each body was found cold, clearly dead for quite some time, with a gash or teeth marks appearing somewhere on their bodies…"_

Crap.

The news on the television had brought everyone's attention to it, and I could see and hear the horror on their faces and in their minds.

_Just what we need… _Of course, Rosalie would be the only exception, her thoughts exasperated.

"What are we going to do?" Esme asked Carlisle.

His shoulders slumped, and I saw the resignation in his eyes.

"There's nothing we _can _do, besides alerting the Volturi, and they're too busy at the moment. I'm sorry, but this isn't our fight this time." Everyone nodded and the television was switched off.

Gathering what little we needed, we began to drive to the airport, Carlisle phoning Maggie to alert her of our visit.

I could feel the determination in everyone's minds, and it began to seep into my own. One thing I knew for sure, I'd unlock my memories.

Soon.

* * *

**So, I said I have some bad news, and bad news it is.**

**Due to events occurring in my life, I won't be able to update any of my stories until the 24th of August. Believe me when I say I wish I could update before then, but I just won't be available. I WILLfinish this story, please don't let my unwilling absence deter you from _Carpe Noctem._ I will still check my account when I have the chance, so if you have any questions or anything of that nature, don't hesitate to send me a PM.**

**If you'd like to see links from _Hybrid Theory, Artificial Euphoria, _or _Carpe Noctem_, visit the link on my profile. The website includes character pictures, houses, banners, etc.**

**I hope you liked the chapter, I was quite content with how it turned out. Let me know, leave a review!**

**Check out my other Twilight one-shots; 'Thinking Of You, Wherever You Are' and 'Next of Kin'.  
I also have a one-shot for the television shows Skins, and Dexter.**

**My oher story is under the Ed, Edd, and Eddy category, and I will update that whenever I can. **

**Read if you want, I hope you enjoy. **

**_P.S. _I will try to update _Carpe Noctem_**** whenever I can, but--at the moment--my outlook isn't so good.**


	15. Chapter 15: Guests

**My bad.**

**Really.**

**I know I said I'd be able to update on the 24th, but things got a little to hectic for a while there. I'm sorry that it's taken so long for this update.  
I'm not really sure how this chapter will be recieved, I'm trying to get back into my 'groove', I guess you could say. I've been procatinating with my stories lately, maybe because I know this story is half way through now. **

**Again, I'm sorry for the delay, but let me know what you think of this chapter, leave a review :)**

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen**

'_Guests'_

**EDWARD**

Landing in Dublin, my family and I were filled with a sense of hope, and it wasn't just because of Jaspers ability. No, we held this trip high in our minds, knowing that sometime this week we will receive some sort of reprieve to this torturous nightmare that is unlocking our memories. No one could say how we knew, we just did.

Unfortunately, we had to wait in a corner of the airport until night fell. Leaving as soon as we did, Alice didn't have enough time to check and see whether it was overcast, and once she saw that it wouldn't be, we all knew that we had to be careful. Any sunlight that hit us would cause an uproar.

As the woes of being a vampire are.

Whilst most vampires enjoyed the attention of the sunlight, gasping as the rare heat enveloped them and crystallized their flesh, I hated it.

We were beautiful.

Disgustingly so.

And I know that I'm not the only one with these thoughts, Rosalie agrees with me quite often.

Not that she knows that.

She has always loved being beautiful, and hated when humans were so. But not because they were more beautiful than her, but because their beauty was natural—that they were born with it.

Rose had been beautiful in her human life, and she wishes for that to return, she wishes that she could be natural and blend in more so than now, not that she blends in at all. Rosalie Hale is like a beacon of light to men everywhere, and she likes it. Most of the time.

Night fell and we made our ways to the rental cars Jasper had purchased. Siobhan knew we were coming, and although we didn't tell her why, it was fairly obvious that she knew. The Irish coven weren't exactly fussing over their lost memories, not seeing the point to unlocking them. They weren't part of our family, merely acquaintances made in a time of need.

Pulling onto the side of the road, our coven stepped from their vehicles and after making certain of no humans in the vicinity, ran into the forest, Carlisle automatically taking the lead with Esme closely at his side, Emmet and I fell into step behind them, with Rosalie, Jasper and Alice finishing our lineup.

The forest never blurred around me, but it became more sharply defined. I saw every tree whirl past my form, every animal cower away from us, every caterpillar crawling to its leaf.

I heard every step, smelt every thing and saw all.

I felt elated.

I wasn't just thinking it, but really and truly felt it for the first time in months. I felt like this could solve anything and answer all my questions.

Emmett was right, I had been stuck in a dank hole for months now, and staying there to brood wasn't helping the situation or my family. I need to claw up from the hole and begin to run again, like I was now.

I let a small smile grace my lips and heard Alice speak to me.

_Welcome back. _

It's good to be back.

* * *

Liam was the only one at the House when we arrived. Maggie and Siobhan had gone hunting.

We weren't surprised by this, they were human drinkers, Carlisle, however, did cringe a lot from his own thoughts. He wouldn't say anything to them, he couldn't change their lifestyle, they had chosen this path, and they were happy.

"So, to what pleasure do we hold this visit of the Olympic coven?" Through Liam's voice, you could slightly detect his old Romanian accent.

"We were actually hoping that we could speak with Maggie." Esme replied.

"Oh, may I ask what about?" Before Esme could respond, Liam had spoken again, "Oh, don't worry, it's none of my business anyway, and—,"

"We're home!"

Maggie bounced through the mahogany door, her lips smiling, her hands waving, and her eyes a clean cut ruby. "Carlisle, Esme! It's good to see you." She and Siobhan greeted us.

We were led to a large room, a fire place sat stagnant in the far left corner, bordering the gold feature wall. Crimson leather chaise lounges sat around a white rug, side tables filled to the brim with plants and paintings.

The Irish really know how to live big.

Sitting down, Siobhan asked us the normal questions one would when hosting a guest, how we were, how our flight was, and whether or not we still drank the blood of animals.

Perhaps the last question isn't the norm for dinner party conversations.

Finally, Maggie asked "So what do you need to talk to me about?"

I was hoping for Carlisle to explain, but when he gave me a pointed look I knew I wouldn't be able to escape this.

"We haven't been very successful in…retracing or lost months. I was hoping you could help us…?"

The Irish vampire looked dumfounded. "Why me?"

"Because I believe that you may be the first person to have lost their memories."

"What do you mean?"

I told them of our method of unlocking our memories, how Alice and I had seen Jasper with a blank stare on his face, and how I remembered seeing the same look on Maggie shortly before my mind turns blank.

"…Perhaps there is more to this than we originally thought." Siobhan spoke after a short silence.

"We think so… Are you willing to help us, Maggie?" Carlisle asked softly.

She was lost in her thoughts, clearly thinking hard over what we had told her. She shook from her daze when Carlisle asked her name, and after the question was repeated, she spoke, "Oh—of course I will."

"Thank you."

* * *

**BELLA**

Faith and Hans were out tonight. Not for food, just for some time. I remember hearing them murmur sweet nothings to one another before they were lost from my hearing, it was so sweet I nearly vomited hearts and rainbows. They were so disgustingly in love that it was almost too much to bear.

I need a drink.

I jumped from our current hideaway, it was a small house on the edge of San Antonio. The outside bricks were a dark orange, chipped and eroded, the once green tiles on the roof were no better. The grass on the lawn was scarce, and there was barely evidence of a garden once lining the back fence.

It's hard to believe that vampires didn't do this.

Sighing, I began my run down the empty street, it wasn't likely to be full, considering how early in the morning it was.

Many scents wafted past me, honey, lilac, vanilla, cherry. I remember a time were they used to burn my throat in want. Now, the clean scents of innocent humans seemed just as repulsive as an animals. I lived for the addicts, now. They consumed me, _helped_ me. They were my life.

I caught the trail of Faith and Hans, sniffing the air again I discovered that they had indeed decided to hunt. I pushed myself harder, hoping to catch up with them soon. I had fed a few nights ago, but that was far too long a time.

Jumping onto a balcony, I propelled myself forward and into the thin forest by Santley Crescent, the no hope street. Santley Crescent was the infamous street of San Antonio, it's where the drug lords and addicts come to live, a place were they aren't shunned or spit at, a place where they don't have to pretend for anyone, where they don't haveto hide. It's their home.

And our buffet.

I landed a few yards away from my companions, and both snapped their heads up in a snarl, trying to protect their meal. I growled softly back and leaned my weight against a nearby tree, impatient with them.

My fingers began to tap out a tune on my upper arms, in time with a beat I couldn't define. It was only when I felt the vibrating in my pocket did I realize I was tapping out the beat to my ringtone.

_Funny how I'll be nervous still  
I've always been the easy kill  
I guess I always wi— _

Flipping open my phone, I saw the small LCD screen flashing with the name '_Cassie'_. That's new.

She had only contacted me a few times within the first few months of my departure, what could be so different this time?

…Perhaps I should find out.

Flipping open the phone, I waited for her to speak first. It didn't take her long.

"Bella!" Her voice held traces of relief, sadness and anger. "You have to stop this!" She got straight to the point. "I… I miss you. We all do! I've tried… Dear God how I've _tried _to figure out what we did to hurt you so much. But running away from this isn't the answer, it's just hurting more and more people. Lord Caius is a wreck! Aro and Marcus haven't been able…" She faded into the background noise.

She was still speaking, but I wasn't listening. I just had words floating through my mind.

_Caius._

_Father._

_Hurt._

_I._

_Miss._

_You._

_Tried._

…_tried._

She hasn't _tried _hard enough.

I snapped my phone shut with an angry growl, nearly smashing it inside my fists. Nearly.

I took deep breaths and cleared my head, focusing my attention back on Faith and Hans, who were now waiting for me. I joined them in the night, racing to find our next meal.

* * *

**I'm curious now, what's your favourite food?**


	16. Chapter 16: Paper Thin Hymn

**Exciting news;  
I've started my own story, no previous story line or anything. This one's all me :)**

**http://www(dot)fictionpress(dot)com/s/2717468/1/Bleed_Cyan**

**Give it a go ;)**

* * *

**Chapter Sixteen**

'_Paper Thin Hymn'_

**EDWARD**

Coming to the Irish was probably the best idea we'd ever had.

Coming here, Alice had finally found what she's been searching for. The thing that she had been striving for without anyone's knowledge, not even mine.

Alice had finally found her peace.

The peace she's been seeking for decades, the peace that her mind always wanted and the peace she never showed. Alice eyes now shone with acceptance and knowledge, her hair was styled the same as always, but looked healthier. Alice was truly herself.

Now that she knew who she used to be.

It happened a week ago, two days after we arrived at Siobhan's home. Jasper had her in a deep trance, helping her focus on the shroud that only she seemed to be able to penetrate. I felt it in her mind, her prodding and gentle moving of the fog. She moved her thoughts and visions from her mind and focused solely on the task at hand.

The shroud was darker today, on more of a defense. Perhaps it knew what was coming, perhaps it didn't. Either way it wasn't easy for Alice to do what she did.

The shroud was heavy and clung to every crevice, nook and cranny of the small woman's mind. It hung off the cobwebs that lurked deep in her thoughts, and implanted itself into every feeling that ran through her body.

Pulling at it, the black clouded her vision, and as her view of Jasper disappeared, she gave an audible squeak. We all watched as Jasper's hands fought against the urge to hold her, we all saw the longing in his eyes. But he held it back. Because he knew he had to. We all knew he had to.

Focusing back on my sister's mind, I saw that she had once again passed the first layer of the darkness. The same soundless film passed through her mind, and I tried to pay it all the attention I could, though it was too quick to make any sense.

Alice tried to look around the shroud, but was met with an edgeless cliff of black. It nearly consumed her whole when she tried to squirm around it and she gasped when it hit her full on. Jasper felt her intrigue and curiosity, but with these emotions there was also apprehension and fear.

Alice spent the next ten minutes trying to gently entice the shroud with her gentle coddling. She swayed through the first layer of the mist, and she seemed like she was in some sort of limbo.

Jasper could still feel her emotions, and I saw the look of exhaustion on his face. Everyone was running him hard these days, and he found himself needing to hunt more than usual. But he would never complain, especially not to Alice.

Feeling her emotions, the Southern gentleman sent a powerful surge of anger through Alice's stagnant veins. Fueling her with every ugly emotion this side of the planet. Feeling this, Alice pushed aside her fear and kind nature, punching her tiny fist through the remaining walls of the shroud. The thin but strong silk of the shroud turned to liquid under her hands, bleeding through it's remaining pieces, seeping it's way out of Alice's thoughts and visions, returning her sight and letting her breathe.

But then it happened.

It was like a semi-trailer running at full speed towards a crumbling cliff face, and Alice was the ground beneath it. It came hurtling towards her, soundless in it's falling yet powerful in it's landing, hitting her mind, eyes, ears and mouth with more power than imaginable.

Wrenching her eyes shut, Alice screamed in pain. Jasper couldn't resist this time, none of us could.

Rushing forward, we all reached for Alice at the same time, only to have her snatched away from our hands.

Liam and Siobhan held our tiny vampire in their arms, careful with how they touched her and how they stood. Their stance was in neither an offensive or defensive crouch, but merely standing. Holding her in his arms, Liam stood behind Siobhan, who had a determined look on her face.

"If you pull her out of this now, she may never be able to do it again. This is what you've all wanted, _needed. _And Alice needs his too."

Jasper growled and took a step forward, only to have Maggie appear beside her coven leader.

"Please, Jasper. I can't say I know how much this will hurt you, or any of you," she addressed all of us, "but Siobhan is right. This has to happen. And we all know that Alice wants to know what happened as much as you all do."

We stood watching Alice for a good three hours. Jasper never left his spot, and his half-hearted attempts at influencing Liam to give over his mate were futile. Esme and Carlisle stood in an embrace, both worried and determined looks on their faces.

Rosalie and Emmett occupied the nearby loveseat, both trying to keep their mind off what was happening before them.

None of wanted to watch Alice go through this, but none of us wanted to leave her.

The images running through my sisters mind were fragmented and hollow, none of them making sense to me, though I could hear Alice whisper words in her mind of understanding. These images were filling some sort of gap in her mind, and there were far too many of them to just be from our two months black out.

I had the gut feeling that Alice was discovering her past, though I would never tell anyone.

It would be her story to tell.

And after another hour of gasps and cries, she did just that.

Alice was born on the seventeenth of June, 1900. One year before me.

Her hopes that I would consider her the older sister were futile.

Alice had a large family. A mother, father, sister and four older brothers.

Her parents were social climbers in society and were far from poor. Amenth and Jeremiah Brandon were _the _couple in town. They had the beautiful children and the money to make any family swoon. They were the family to be friends with.

Cynthia was Alice's younger sister by three years, she was pale with dark brunette hair, a replica of her grandmothers. Her four older brothers, Alexander, Lukas, Ramen and Jeremiah II owned the local blacksmith, making their own presence known in Biloxi.

The Brandon's were a very important part of society. They ran the town, influenced all of the big members and owned everyone's hearts.

But they were special in more ways than one.

It appears that Alice wasn't the only person in her family with a gift.

* * *

**Craaaap.**

**I am so sorry.**

**Would you believe me if I told you I was attacked? ****No...? ****What about if I was attacked by zombies?**

**Shit.**

**This chapter didn't really go anywhere, and I'm sorry about that. I just really felt the need to explain to all of you guys why Alice was the only one who could really do anything about the 'shroud'. More will be revealed about Alice's past and family in the next chapter. Which will hopefully be out before next week.**

**I haven't had time to read through this chapter, so I'm sorry about any spelling/grammar mistakes.**

**REASON FOR DELAY: Life got a bit too real for a while there, and it just keeps getting weirder. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, but I hope it will be sometime soon. **

**On a completely different note; it's my birthday today (:**

**Let me know what you thought about this chapter. What do you think Alice's family will be like? More gifts? Any ideas?**


End file.
